Staying will Hurt but so will Forgetting!

Its the hardest thing in the world to know everything about a person and then trying to forget it. All the vivid details. How they eat an egg roll with great interest. How they want a sookha golgappa with only dahi at the end. How they only liked their chai when head bursts with work. Random stories and tales they once told you .Why they think chapp is one of the best things to have and how green chillies are the worst when they come in the mouth. What makes them smile and how certain memories show up as ghosts in the graveyards of their eyes . Why love for them happens everyday is difficult to understand . 

It’s like living in their universe and realising they are the sun. 
There is a void between remembering and forgetting and all of us just hang there .You keep waiting that someday this wouldn’t hurt anymore and maybe they will come back. It’s a thing we human do fantasize Because reality is a cesspool of tragedies and living here is a nightmare . So you wish upon a shooting star that they come back but they never do .

 Forgetting sometimes hurts more than leaving . 
In our memories it never ends we just stay there wishing dreaming and laughing forever. 
Science talks about the concept of Muscle 
memory. Our muscles always remember moments. Your arms will always bend when you see them , your right eye will twitch when they are near and your lips will always mould themselves to say i love you. You will extend your right hand but there will not be a hand to hold yours. So you will keep waving it mid air suspended like half fulfilled promises. All of this is a signal that our bodies were designed to save and store things and when you try to forget something you are distrupting the equilibrium . 
Maybe its the universe screaming that staying will hurt but so will forgetting .

–ShadesofLife

Heartbreak’s Sound

What does a heartbreak sound like?
Your heart is sensitive,
Isn’t it?
Does it cry loud
When broken into pieces?
Does it experience
Multiple feelings at the same time?
Does it also feel empty and heavy
At some point of time?
Yes it does.

Is it less than a sign of a heartbreak?
Is it not what sad poetry sounds like?
Yet you ask me,
What does a heartbreak feel like so
Let me tell you,

Emotions run down your spine,
Making the time go slow,
The day and the night
Are of the same length,
Old days, old memories
Get on your nerves
Sticking to your heart and soul
Just like a permanent tattoo.

The hurricane of winds
Paves their way through the
Polluted atmosphere
Making your mind think
Of your mistakes.
It sounds like the dusty book
That is willing to get cleaned
Once again.
It’s like the dew drops
Waiting for an aura of petrichor.

Neither does it cry aloud
Nor does it stay silent.
It tells you variety of poetries
By bleeding chronicles
Of agony and distress.
It narrates the story of those dried flowers
Of the spring that urge you
To water them with purity
So that they can bloom
In the garden of love.
It’s like those unfinished tales
Waiting to complete itself.

A broken heart just resembles
The dark sky with meteors
Wanting to shine bright again
And shower the rains of happiness
Again in your life.
It feels that the sun has sunk
Forever leaving our soul in
The pool of darkness all alone.
And yes,
Let me tell you,
It sounds like the heart is
Lifeless and is craving
For its life again.

Ask those who have experienced
A heartbreak by trusting others,
By putting their heart and soul on stake
They are still trying to get out of the formidable hurdles,
Candles of love and hope
Light in their heart
They’re just bearing the pain
Without uttering a single word.

–ShadesofLife

Pain💔

The thing about pain is it’s never beautiful. You find yourself wallowing in a puddle of bitterness. So, you don’t
repulse the next time you sip that sugarless coffee. Or when you drag that unfiltered hand-rolled cigar.
The unsavoury doesn’t concern
you anymore. Because it runs in
your veins like blood.

You don’t cry nostalgically for happiness, because you have never been to its place. You crinkle like a paper
in a fist and cry quietly, but not for yourself; for the blue sky, so breathtaking yet sad, like poetry.

You drink poison hoping to die, but instead, it finds an abode inside you. There’s a flower in your garden that bleeds green; it pricks you and your red turns everything into yellow. You turn to art, thinking, it’ll rescue you from your malady. And that’s when you realise; art isn’t going to heal your scars, it’ll just make them more presentable.

–ShadesofLife

Myself ❤️

When I was a little girl
I planed my perfect world
And lived in a palace in my dreams
Then heartbreak came along
And plans went completely wrong
Life’s just not as easy as it seems

But look at me now
I’m still dreaming
Still believing in myself
Look at me now, I’m still dreaming
Still believing in myself

Searching for someone
Who would be the one to fit
In the picture that I planned
The jigsaw puzzle piece
To make my dream complete was always sin in my head

But look at me now
I’m still dreaming
Still believing in myself
When I was a little girl
I planned my perfect world
And lived in a palace in my dreams

–ShadesofLife

Are We Parallel Lines?

Craving for some fresh air can come anytime
And my sleep cycle is anyway messed up enough
Getting out of my house
Walking on the road, just drenched in the rain
It’s a good weather maybe
Maybe it’s the way of nature having her own breakdown
These maybes are killing me right now
The n number of possibilities running in my mind
In the Hustle bustle of my own
I hit the vacuum or maybe some whitespace of absolute nothingness
As I look down the road…
“Are we parallel lines?”
Meeting at no point?
Just like some railway track
But walking by each other’s sides
With the same passion and love
Now all of a sudden all I want is this road to merge
And this becomes my greatest urge
Cause for me it’s no more just roads or railway tracks
It’s You and I
It’s this fixed distance between us tearing me apart
I’m fighting in my head to merge or mold to make these roads concile in a single line
Seems like sleep is not the only thing I’m lacking today, its air too

Pretty glad about this soothing breeze
I was not really great at maths
But I remember coincident lines are parallel too
Just with all the points similar
Which again feels hard to attain
But I am not gonna get this single hope in vain
Or should I wait to meet at infinity?

–ShadesofLife

Whom Are You Running From?

I brushed my teeth
twice
before I realised;
it was impossible to
get rid of the
taste of guilt.

I gulped down
two
glasses of water
before I realised;
you cannot wash
down regret.

I tried to breathe
inhale
hold
exhale
repeat
before I realised;
I was the one
burning.

I had a white toast
to calm my
churning stomach
before I realised;
you can only watch storms.
Watch as they ruin
homes, and lives, and everything.
everything they touch.

I shut my ears
listened to music
before I realised;
the thunder of my thoughts
was louder than
all the songs merged into one.

I tried to close my eyes
and escape,
before I realised;
you can’t escape
from each and everything.

There are some situations where you have to accept the truth. Whom do you run to
when you’re running
from yourself?

–ShadesofLife

Positivity is Toxic at Times

Often heard people consoling :
“Everything is fine” even when it’s not.
“Don’t overthink, just be happy” as if it’s just that easy.
“Don’t be sad” like that will help.
“Just stop thinking about it” like that will heal it.
“Always be happy” when it’s literally impossible to be always happy. We get sad sometimes & it’s completely natural.
“Don’t think about suicide, you’re a happy person.” like those thoughts are in our control.
“You shouldn’t be depressed, you have everything” like depression is a choice.

“Just chill” doesn’t work every time. When something bad happens that makes you sad or when you lose something/someone, not thinking about it or simply distracting from it is not the solution. Most people do this because they find the escape much easier than to feel those negative emotions.

But it is not a good practice. We may feel better in the moment but in the long run, it suppresses our emotions, develops anxiety and detaches us from our emotions and feelings. Isn’t it okay to be sad? I guess it is okay to feel any kind of negative emotions. Having the power to confront your own self is not a small thing.

You might feel your way is easier, that escaping and hiding your pain with a smile is better. Maybe you’ll even say that there are no side effects from it. But it’s not so. You don’t see them because you choose not to. But they are all inside you. It might be low self-esteem, inability to sustain healthy relationships, endless feeling of loneliness, or unreasonable anger. But it’s all there. Better vent out and let your emotions flow because no one can be positive at all times.

–ShadesofLife

Let it Out…

Sharing is an essential part of letting go. It helps you to let your emotions flow, realise why you feel a certain way and be true to yourself.

I always thought that I should never let people see my vulnerabilities, so I never shared. But there has to be someone in front of whom you can cry your heart out, with whom you can share all that you want to.
So if there is something that’s been bothering you, talk to a friend in whom you trust or a therapist and
let it all out. Don’t let these unresolved issues and feelings make you anxious.

–ShadesofLife

Hole in The Heart

I am so tired of being strong. I’m so tired of saying that it’s okay every time someone treats me badly. I’m tired of being the bigger person and always making excuses for other people. I’m tired of constantly proving how much people mean to me when they won’t do the same.

It’s difficult, isn’t it? Having a big heart, and the ability to forgive so quickly and easily, being the one that always tries their very best to make others happy. And still getting hurt, getting taken for granted and being left behind as though you didn’t mean anything. That’s the thing about being a good person – you give yourself so many excuses to look out for others that you forget to look out for yourself.

And in the end, when they get everything that they wanted, and they start to walk away without looking back in your direction – you are the one who’s left with a hole in your chest where your heart should have been.

–ShadesofLife

There is No ONE Reason for Suicide!

No one kills him self because of one breakup, one failure or one lockdown. There is no ONE REASON for suicide. It is like a cancer of thoughts and only empathy or support is the treatment.

It’s the years of hopelessness, worthlessness, inner fight, internal conflict, one cannot imagine a roller coaster ride from dark to light and dark again.
And years and years and years of apathy from the society and near and dear ones towards mental health that a person loses battle with depression and ends his life. It’s not easy to hang yourself, just imagine the amount of mental torture and pain.
There is no one reason for suicide. RIP Sushant Singh Rajput.

Open up, talk to your near ones. Mental health is the most important.

–ShadesofLife

People…

People are like stories.
Different kinds, different durations,
Different endings.

You think of some and smile.
You wish for some to always be with you.
You try to distance yourself from some.
And you try to keep some so close
that it blurs your vision.

Some feel real, others feel like a bubble blown by the sun at night.
Some hold your hand and make you feel alive,
others make you realize about
the part inside you that has
now been long dead.

You want to place the memory
of some in your wallet while
you regret meeting some.

Such is life!

Such are people!

–ShadesofLife

Inked…

Sometimes when two people are together for a long time, they might decide to get each other’s names inked on their bodies. Isn’t it weird that, that ink will be nothing but a bunch of meaningless letters if their connection isn’t genuine?
If they suddenly decide to split up in the unforeseen future, that ink will be nothing but a painful memory. A memory about someone who they used to love unconditionally, someone they wanted to build a home with.

What is one supposed to do if their dreams burned right in front of them and the contingent scar was so deep that it might just never fade away?

It is a known fact that we all carry our emotional baggage, but are you also carrying someone else’s name inked on your soul?

–ShadesofLife

There is Light Within You…

It’s so easy, especially right now, to be afraid — afraid of what tomorrow might bring, of what could go wrong, of all the things that may potentially fall apart. It’s so easy to hold onto the negative, to clutch it within your palm, unwilling to loosen your grip.⠀
⠀
But please, don’t forget the light within you. Don’t forget the potential you have to reshape, to grow, to remold, and to change the world around you. It all starts with your perspective and a willingness to try. It all starts by saying, “Okay, I don’t have control over what’s happening, but I’m still going to love. I’m still going to show up. I’m still going to move forward.”⠀
⠀
Life will undoubtedly give us road blocks and dead-ends, wrong turns and ‘go back four steps’ buttons. But your biggest weapons are your mind and heart. You have the power of what you focus on, the power of what you choose, and the power to begin again. ⠀
⠀
There is light within you.⠀
And it’s brighter than you think.⠀

–ShadesofLife
⠀

I Feel You…

I wonder if I’d have shouted my love for you from the rooftops, maybe the birds would have heard me, maybe they would’ve echoed it to the stars.

The stars would then share my love for you with the moon and the moon would undoubtedly pour my heart out to God. And maybe, maybe then in God’s voice you would have understood how much I love you. There aren’t enough letters in each alphabet of every language to explain how I feel about your existence. To explain how I feel about you.

–ShadesofLife

I Did Not Know…

I did not know
how to love myself
and love you
at the same time

I could either give it all
to you
Or all
to me.

If I split it down
the middle
we were both left
with too little.
And I have never
Been one
to disappoint.

The problem with
Being in love
Is that you have no clue
How to love somebody
Without replacing your entire
Self worth on them.

If they love you,
You love you.

If they leave,
Your self esteem
Goes with them.

–ShadesofLife

Why are You so Special?

Maybe because you came into my life when I least expected a miracle to happen to me to save me from my own chaos, or maybe because you came with a torch in my life full of darkness, or maybe because you never left my side even when many already did, or maybe because of your gentle care that you always give me, or maybe because you’re the only person who understands my mood just by listening to my tone of speech, or maybe.. maybe l don’t know that why you’re so special to me because you’re itself a special, too much precious person to me and even a lifetime won’t be enough for me to describe your worth, and how stupendously special you are to me.

–ShadesofLife

You have Become a Habit!

At the end of a long day, I think about you again. You’ve become a habit now, the most pronounced sound in my almighty wretchedness. In this room of ephemeral solitude, we sit and listen to each other silence. No words are spoken here. Like always.

Time stands still and starts evaporating. I’m told a wise man once said nothing. I understand the beauty in his existence. And that in ours. We fall prey to the quietness inside us, a tranquil passage to what we can but might never be.

There is poetry in the way we love. I move my lips on your fragility, every murmur an earthquake. Your breath falls soundlessly on my skin, the night watching us become stories, hiding us away in between the pages of these years.

What more can we ever share, now that we’ve shared a silence?

–ShadesofLife

Forever Love ❤️

Do people always fall in love with the things they can’t have?

Always!

There’re nights when I keep rolling on and over the bed. Sleep doesn’t hit me easily. Whatever life that’s left within me, feels barely alive.
My blanket feels heavier than usual.
I scroll through the feed and every face reminds me of your smile, every text reminds me of your voice. “Forget and move on,” they say. How can we move on from someone who became a reason to live for? I try to keep my mind occupied. Books, TV, music or at the least emptiness, everything asks me to run up to to you and tell you that I miss you.

I sometimes wonder, if the one you share your morning coffee with knows the amount of sugar you want in it? If he knows you like toasts with jam and not butter? If he knows your favourite show is Tom n’ Jerry? And if he knows to love me like you?

I want to laugh, I don’t know-how. I want to cry, I don’t know why. The heart doesn’t want to forget you, the mind doesn’t know to forget you. And it’s me, dying every day, slowly like a candle, melting away.

People always want the things they know they can’t possess. Love is a strange emotion. It’s the reason to live for and then it’s the reason to die for.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

–ShadesofLife

In Some Parallel Universe…

And in some parallel universe
He is mine for the rest of our lives.

And in some parallel universe,
Every morning I get to see his face before I see the sun.

And in some parallel universe,
He calls my name and wakes me up.


And in some parallel universe,
I come home at night all jaded only for him to make every pain fade away with just a smile.

In some parallel universe, I’m dying a happy death as he holds my hand and puts his head on my shoulder, while I breathe and kiss him for one last time.

–ShadesofLife

I Like my Choices❤️

John Green in all his sparkling brilliance said, “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”

Maybe, he felt it, maybe, he lived it, maybe, he scribbled it for the sake of darting his readers core once again with his ink of sweet torture.

I do not know, I do not want to know. We’ve had our fair share of love and heartbreaks. But trust me, it doesn’t hurt anymore. For very obvious reasons, you choose a person to own the bigger share of your heart without expecting anything in return. Whether he preserves it, caresses it or moulds it into a trash can, you still keep your lesser half inside the can. The memories won’t haunt you. Rather, they would become a much sweeter version of nightmares which you’d want to live everyday. And everytime it’d sting, you’d smile.

–ShadesofLife

You Got Lucky!

You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky enough to meet someone who showed you that there were souls within this universe that felt as deeply, and cared as feverishly, as you did.

You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky because you met someone who, for a moment in time, was able to squeeze all of your broken pieces back together. You got lucky. Lucky enough to meet someone who plucked anxiety out of your chest like splinters, who poured calm into the parts of you that no one else clapped for.

No, you did not lose — you got lucky. You got lucky because time did not choose to separate you. You got lucky. Lucky enough to have found them, to have experienced them, to have been given the opportunity to love them the way you loved them.

But sometimes, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like hurricanes — making us question if we feel too deeply, if we are simply too much to hold. The hardest lesson you will ever have to learn is that this too is a gift. To have been loved in halves is to have been loved by someone who taught you how to walk away. How to choose yourself for once, how to stand up for your worth. At the end of the day, they may not have loved you, but they did teach you how to survive the wreckage, how to endure the storm, and how to rebuild.

–ShadesofLife

It’s Your Choice!

I know it seems like things will never get better. You feel like you are stuck in your current situation. Life has seemed like more of a battle than a blessing lately, and every time you finally seem to make a breakthrough, life only seems to knock you back down. These are the days that can either destroy or define you, and it is up to you to decide which path you take.

I hope you don’t let it destroy you.
I hope you get back up every time the world expects you to just give up. I hope you never feel like you won’t get any further than you are right now because you have no idea how much more you will grow. You will meet people whose impact will stay with you for years. You will learn what love really is and exactly what it is not. You will finally understand the value of being alone and all of the joy that only you can bring to yourself. You will learn to start living for yourself.

Today may not be your best day, and tomorrow might not be either, but I promise you that one day, you will wake up and realize this is the beginning of everything you have ever wanted.

Please don’t give up on your dreams and the life you always wanted for anyone. It is up to you whether you want to move forward or stand still; but know that if you choose to stay exactly where you are, you will never know how far you could have gone.

–ShadesofLife

Musings of a Ravished Heart

He laughed,

“My darling

You will never be unloved by me.

You are too well tangled in my soul.”

–ShadesofLife

My Blessings Sound Like Your Name…

If someone would ask me to write the name of a person who loves me and cares for me selflessly, my heart will not think twice before shooting your name.

You care for me like my mother. Checking my timely meals and getting annoyed when I don’t sleep on time. It’s like in this world full of fake people I have you in the form of an invisible shield.

Your “No Strings Attached” tag should someday be removed. I know you are my lover and my life and I can’t thank you enough for your selflessness. I have heard a lot about blessings and it just sounds like your name.

–ShadesofLife

Let me Stay…

I wish I could wipe off all your pain and solve all your problems. Those crumbling your heart and keeping you awake at night. Those which fade away your smile and make you feel as if you have the burden of the world on your shoulders.

I may not be able to fix anything but I can be the shoulder you can put your head on when your worries are too much to bear. I can be your solace and listen to all that is bottled within you, the one who will never judge you, the one who will always care for you.

Though I cannot mend what broke you but I will always be there for you. So let me stay while you heal.

–ShadesofLife

How Can I Love When I’m Afraid To Fall…

You look at her just as I want you to look at me. It stings right there where you live, I think you know your permanent place by now, my heart; yes it stings right there. It penetrates venom inside me.

But for the sake of my dying heart, I feed myself on the anecdote of lies, that you are looking for ME in HER….

–ShadesofLife

Unsaid Words Hurt The Most..

Love is painful and frightening. It makes you judge yourself and distance yourself from other people in your life. It makes you selfish, creepy and cruel. It makes you do things you never thought you would ever do.

Love is not something that weak people do. In fact, it needs a lot of courage and hope. Same is the case when you part with the one you love the mostest.

I was always bad at saying goodbyes. It’s like you are at the edge of the cliff and you have to jump. The worst part is making the choice to do it and once you are in the air, you can do nothing but let go.

–ShadesofLife

How Did I Know it was Him?

How did I realize it was him out of all the people I met? Well, he is not someone who can be spotted easily in crowds, not one who will be found in noisy streets. He is the kind of man they usually don’t write about now-a-days.

He will help you clean the dishes when you are overburdened with work. He will hold you tight when you are crying. He helps you collect your pieces together when you feel all shattered. I love him because he is not at all afraid to tell me what hurts him the most. He is the one who accepts me the way I am, accepts my flaws like they are stars that shine on his sky.

–ShadesofLife

Little Things…

Whenever I feel alone, even for a minute, you know I get into that deep trance, that unhappy zone wherein I feel all alone and helpless. And I don’t know how but you always get to know that I am feeling low and I need you. You always end up calling or texting me and I end up smiling again. That is for you, my savior and my guiding light.

I don’t say this always, but thanks. Thanks for always being there. And please stay forever!

–ShadesofLife

It is Exhausting…

It is exhausting having a heart that melts for those who show even the smallest amount of love. It is exhausting trying to break stone walls when your own soul craves to be held firmly. It is exhausting putting your heart on the sleeve as it is not already torn by those who came before and left.

It is exhausting trying to heal others wounds when you are the one who has been hurt more than words can fanthom. And it is seriously very exhausting feeling all this so deeply when all you wish for is to shut all the open tabs in your mind for some time. It is exhausting when these thoughts pour in your head when all you want is a little solace from the excruciating pain.

–ShadesofLife

Silence…

There is no sound bigger than silence. Sound exists because of silence. So remember, in life if any person cannot understand your silence, he will never be able to understand your words.

–ShadesofLife

They Call it Mood Swings, I Call It Memories!

Life is just like a beach, where every grain of sand is a small little moment. You are quite busy in searching for shells and oysters and you don’t realize that you have in turn converted it into a dump yard.

Slowly and gradually, that dump yard starts emitting expectations. Expectations from all those people who’ll be leaving you in the upcoming days or months; alone, on the edge of drowning into the water you were supposed to swim in.

But you know what, life is not this. It’s meeting people, talking to them and never meeting them again. I know it’s strange but that is how it is. Life is all about those small moments, the unexpected responses after your tale, the hugs and tears they give you, without even knowing your name.

Life is about a partner you share this loneliness with, for a day or for any random event. It’s about talking to them, when you know deep within that you won’t see them again, ever. Strangers can connect so much and gradually with every passing day become strangers, again.

It’s actually eye-opening, the way life is not just about those relations that are there for you. It’s also about being with some unknown and random people, building these bonds that don’t tangle and then simply leaving it there, with lots of memories. 

–ShadesofLife

Thought Catalog!

Dear God,

I know not what the future has in store for me but I’m counting on you. I am actually clueless about your plans and I do not know how the next few months will turn out to be but I’m counting on you to provide me the strength and patience to get through it. I have no idea if you will answer my prayers or if you will throw a curve-ball at me when I am least prepared for it. I don’t know if you wish to give me a break or you have planned a difficult test for me.

Since long I am actually trying to handle everything that I can in the best possible way. I’ve been trying to connect all the dots, trying to visualize the bigger picture and follow the signs you’ve been sending me through, but now I’m tired. My brain is tired. My soul is tired.

I don’t know what the future holds but I’m longing for stability. I’m ready for peace. I know that either way, I’ll be fine and I’ll always count on you. I know you are always there to guide me through the tough times but I’m asking for leeway this time. Let there be a miracle which would lift all the heaviness and burdens.

I’m counting on your generosity, on your forgiveness, on your benevolence and your magnificent surprises. I don’t know what the future holds for me but all I know is that there’s nothing you can’t do or can’t fix. So help me see the brighter picture of life. Help me live!

–ShadesofLife

To The One Who Was Never Mine

The day I learned not to bother about whatever was happening with you was the day I realized, that my heart is brave to strike off that one thing which I had kept on the highest pedestal since so long. That day I accepted that what’s not meant to happen, no matter how hard I try, no matter how far I run, will not happen. And practically speaking, there is no loss in losing what was never yours, there is no defeat in stepping outside, empty-handed, there is no guilt in giving up on something which never held on to you.

That day I understood that my heart isn’t a graveyard of your memories, where I had buried each one of them chronologically. My heart is certainly not a garden of remembrance where you visit once in a blue moon to offer your condolences to my fallen hopes.

The day your words managed to pierce through the walls of my delicate heart, which were once filled with love, only for you; that day itself you managed to earn my ignorance. From that day itself, your existence never really mattered to me, anymore. So, congrats you have permanently destroyed a perpetual source of love. You have been successful in pushing away a pair of palms that, whenever folded, prayed for you. You successfully lost each and every wish that was meant only for you.

But, forget not that everything, good or bad, eventually comes to an end. So will this, one day. For now, I am letting it burn, our unfinished book, I don’t remember what page number were we at, I don’t remember what chapter had I started before you tore it apart. Neither do I want to remember. I just hope you have a happy and a successful life.

–ShadesofLife

Unsaid..

It’s just an ordinary day. But I found myself thinking about you. I always think about you, you know. But it became more frequent today. Maybe because I miss you.

I think about those days where may be in a parallel universe, we might have met earlier. I would never have left and we’d be in the same city. In that parallel universe, everything would feel perfect. All our dreams would come true. All our doubts, gone. All our sorrows, erased. All of our anxieties, swept away.

But the present situation is that we are here, in this universe, where not everything is perfect. Things may not have happened the way we wanted to, but I am forever thankful that the universe conspired to make us meet. And although it has not been so kind as to make us stay together, I still know that you will forever be etched in my memories.

–ShadesofLife

Fractured Heart

Those pigeons carrying your letters, I have never let them in. I saw them flapping their wings against my windows but I pulled down the shutters and closed the curtains, oblivious to the conditions outside. They were there all night and I found them sprawled on my doorstep the next morning, your letters still held between their beaks. I burned them all down and watched the wind take away their ashes with it.

When I am all by myself, I am sometimes reminded of your bubbling laughter which sounded like the waves breaking against the rocks ashore. I saw the withered roses which were pressed in between the pages of my favorite novel, your name on every one of them and that made me long for you endlessly.

But then I realized it again. Falling for you was like walking on the quagmire, the more I tried to escape, the more I sank into its depths. I’d seen the end the day itself when our eyes had met; two broken hearts which were too shattered to fall in love again and four eyes that were in search of someone who’ll never be with them forever. Ever since I have learned to drive, pain has taken a permanent place on the passenger seat of my car. And I always knew there was nothing but despair, longing and heartbreak at the end of this road.

This is everything that I never said to you when I could. But I promise, every night when I close my eyes, there will always be a prayer on my lips:

May you read it and know it is for you. I hope you know it’s always been just you.

–ShadesofLife

Beyond Words

Before you decide to love me, know that I will always love you and I mean it because I never learned how to unlove someone,

Before you decide to love me, know that I am very sensitive. At time I am moody too, so when I feel low, just don’t leave. Simply stay by my side and be with me.

Before you decide to love me, please understand that I will always be there for you, no matter how hard you try to push me away. I will not leave because my love for you is stronger than anything else.

Before you decide to love me, note that I am a person who loves long hugs, deep talks, long drives and warm cuddles.

Before you decide to love me, remember that I do not sparkle and shine. I trip over words and I over think. I don’t have it all figured out in my brains.

But I love hard, I love until I am empty and it’s pure and unadulterated.

–ShadesofLife

Can We Still be Friends?

One-sided love is one of the worst things that can happen. After confessing your feelings and getting a negative response from the other side, is it possible to stay as friends? Still being friends is a statement that destroys you over and over again. The question is can you still stay as friends after you have loved someone immensely?

He said we can still be friends but what I don’t understand is how can I look at him when someone else is holding his hand? I can hear my own heart sting with pain shattering into a million pieces so loudly that it deafens me, then how can I look at him when he is walking hand in hand with someone else. How can we still be friends when I have to hide my tears when he talks of her?

I guess he meant we can stay as strangers with distant memories that we don’t remember unless we see them in old pictures. But the fact is we simply can’t be friends when your voice hurts me and it reminds me of all those times we spent together. How can you look at someone you love while that person loves somebody else? Friends don’t look at each other wishing they were something more.

–ShadesofLife

Your Voice…

Hear your voice clearly in your head. Start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you. Make the voice in your head your best friend and your biggest supporter. It is this voice which will either make you or break you, which will either shape you or destroy you. Everything else is inconsequential.

Change your internal dialogue and you will for sure see a change in yourself. Being positive may seem a bit theoretical at times but overcoming negative thoughts is something which is most important. Listen to your inner voice because it will never guide you on the wrong path.

–ShadesofLife

True Love is A Deliberate Choice

Generally it is not about the romantic way you meet someone. It’s basically about your compatibility, gestures and adoration. When it comes down to one thing to sustain love, it’s definitely choice. When you choose to love someone, it’s your decision. Every second, you put some effort to nurture that love and this gets us in trouble. I feel its wrong to say that love is something which happens to us. It’s something we make happen.

Love is an action, a pure choice, a commitment. The most beautiful thing about love is that you know that you are chosen by the person you chose. Love needs sacrifice and it won’t always be easy. But it is most beautiful when reciprocated. When you love someone you have something which is so profound. You have a home in that person, where you can be your own self, somewhere you can rest without being judged.

You will have some one who sees you truly and loves you forever. You don’t choose the one you will be attracted to, but you choose the one with whom you will stay in love with. Feelings are fleeting, it is a fickle thing. How you are feeling today will not resonate with the way you feel tomorrow. But real love is constant, it’s tangible. And when life becomes too unbearable, it’s love that gives us the strength. Feelings do not play any role here. When life throws us a curve ball, it’s in love where you will get the much-needed stability. You can’t just abandon love specially when its hard.

Love isn’t really a feeling, nor is it a state of euphoria. It’s hard work which needs constant compromise. Feelings can flicker, it can come and go. But real love? It stays and goes on forever!

–ShadesofLife

Kuch Ankahi Baatein ❤

“Ishq kiya dil o jaan se bhi zada tumhe,
Nahi andaaza tha tum sirf dard ban k reh jaoge.

Krte na ye khata fir hum,
agar pta hota k tum is pyar ko kabhi smjh hi na paoge. ”

–ShadesofLife

Twin Flames v/s Soulmates – How To Distinguish Between The Two?

Soul mates may be your relative, lover, friends or anyone who helps you become a better version of your own self. Twin flames on the other hand represent a love which is free from the shackles of human conditions. Your life is entirely different once you meet your twin flame. The moment your eyes first meet, you can start feeling life. This person touches unknown depths of your heart and soul and you form an instant connection. You are bound to meet your soulmate sooner or later in life but in the case of a twin flame, not many people meet them, although everyone has a twin flame.

Twin flame love is about everything except romance. You are built to evolve with each other and trigger the deep wounds that you didn’t know existed. At times you may feel that you’re losing your mind and your heart has unconditional love for your twin. Yet you know you can’t be together and this brings the greatest pain you’ve ever felt. At times, it may also happen that twin souls come together for a short span of time, only to part ways and say goodbye. When you are with your twin flame it’s not the traditional romantic love rather it’s the liberated, free love that exists when you don’t lay down any conditions on the other person. You gift your twin flame as well as yourself with freedom, as you do not curb the feelings for him/her and never doubt the true love that exists between the two of you.

You can easily relate it with the dance of fire when you feel attracted to each other’s light, but then your ego fears that it would get burnt, so you run away. Meeting your twin is not a cakewalk. There is no guarantee that you’ll ever be together. Basically it is something which is beyond understanding. Neither distance nor time can change the magnitude of your connection that you have with your twin flame.

Your twin flame loves you unconditionally. They sometimes return in your life to serve a purpose, to trigger the unconscious stuff that is already within you. When you try to suppress your feelings for your twin (which you can only for a short while after a hell lot of effort), you in other words cut yourself off from unconditional love. And that is the only reason why it never feels good. So, it is better to set everything aside, stop thinking about some things which are beyond control, relax and let the things flow at their own pace.

–ShadesofLife

Is it possible to forget your Twin Flame ever?

A twin flame is one who is your other self, a part of your soul. To read more about your twin soul, click here.

If you are still hesitant if you can ever forget your twin flame or you feel the answer differs from person to person, its not at all like that. There is one universal answer which is – NO, you cannot forget your twin flame. He/she is a part of you, and to be honest you never forget something that which has its existence in you.

No matter where you are, no matter what you may be doing, your twin flame is always there at the back of your mind. Its just like a numb pain which is with you all the time, stabbing you every second yet it makes you feel alive. You exist because of this pain. They may be far physically yet they exist in every breath you take, in every second that goes by. In your subconscious mind, they are present in everything you do and the best part is you never felt this way before. No person ever helped you experience this emotional high in spite of being miles apart and separated.

You may feel like they are close to you and communicating via some unknown telepathy signs. You can see their name at some places, every small thing about them would remind you of them, you would see parts of their phone numbers , their birthdays etc at different times and different places. No matter who they are with, twin flames can never forget each other. They may be with their life partner but that feeling would never be complete as a part of them would always be missing somewhere no matter how happy they try to be.

Finally, one day you will certainly feel happy that you loved him. Because it’s one in a lifetime kind of love, you loved like you never have loved before in your life and maybe you never will. And you will be thankful to your twin, that you lived such an amazing never ending love.

As far as I am concerned, I tried to forget him on every level but it was beyond my reach. I failed miserably and so I gradually learned to live with the truth of this connection. Now at times, whenever a synchronicity emerges, I smile, thank the universe for bringing him in my life.

–ShadesofLife

Have you found your Twin Flame?

So today while surfing the net, I came across a very interesting concept. Meeting your twin flame! Of course, for those who are not aware of it just like I was a few mins back, a Twin Flame is someone with whom you are always connected spiritually as you are parts of the same soul. Also called a mirror soul, he/she may be the person you connect with not just emotionally but even spiritually. God took one soul and split it into two. As a result, there are two individuals with the other half of a soul. When they meet each other on earth, an instant connection is bound to happen.

Let us now not confuse between soulmate and twin flame. A soulmate is one with whom you have a romantic relationship. It is not always the case with a twin flame. You can only have one Twin Flame ever. Everyone has a Twin Flame, it just depends on your destiny and lifelines when they choose to walk into your life.

In my case, I knew him instantly and I needed no reason why I felt as if he could see through my very soul. Twin Flame turns your whole life upside down. Invariably there is always a reason for everything, a reason you meet someone, a reason you fall in love, a love which is its own – one of a kind, one which you’ve never known before and probably which you never will again. When your twin flame leaves, it tears your heart apart and you feel the pain right in your very soul. You move on but deep within you know that you will never get over them and no matter what you will always love them unconditionally.

It goes without saying that nothing, I repeat Nothing can separate Twins as they are a gift from God. Your twin flame will always be with you without any beginning or end, always constant in your thoughts, in your mind, in your actions, in your life.

No person is with you forever physically. And to keep it clear, twin flames are not soulmates. So obviously they will not be physically present by your side forever. But twin flames can never be forgotten. They are always present in your thoughts. It’s okay to cry sometimes when you miss them but do not and I repeat DO NOT stay involved in the pain and remain “addicted” to it. You may not realise it but you don’t quite get over it as such, but the best way is to get on with it is to be the best version of your own self.

–ShadesofLife

Man Proposes, God Disposes!

This is a maxim I always stand by in every point of my life. I have been believing in this right from the very beginning since I was quite young. Name it my strong belief in God or whatever; I being an ardent supporter of this quote, never felt disappointed only coz of this one statement that has shaped and molded my entire life.

Whatever a man thinks or plans to do or achieve or aims to carry out; there is some supernatural power (God) above all who has the reins of the man’s life in his hands. Many a time it may be contradictory to the wishes of the man and goes in sync with the plans of God. All the abilities of a man are subject to certain limitations and that is where God’s actions come into picture.

No matter what you plan or how you may try to execute the plan; it goes unsaid that the end result will certainly not be in your hands.

–ShadesOfLife

2190 Days Without You!

It is again the 1st of February. The most dreaded day of my life. The day I wish never shows up on the calendar. The day I want to be deleted forever! This was the very day I lost my mother, or I should say my life.

So, on a very precise note, 2190 days without you and it feels like an entire lifespan. So tough it was to believe that I will never be able to hug you, kiss you hear you; but eventually, I learned to live with this truth of my life. It hits hard at times trust me, not at all something I will able be able to cope with my entire life. But that is how it goes I guess. Somehow, with time you get the strength to cope with the loss.

Death indeed is the saddest reality of life. The one and the only thing which shivers me from inside. Today, after around 2190 days without you, I feel like your memories are my life’s only solace. Needless to say, how much I miss your presence, I would certainly not be exaggerating if I say your absence kills me from inside. 2190 days is a fairly long span of time. But I still feel if it’s just yesterday when the entire chain of events took the life out of me in just a few hours. My life was no longer worth living, it felt meaningless. No matter whatever I do to move away from this pain; my heart knows that it is a task which I will never be successful at. This void will never be filled and it is never-ending grief I will have to live with all throughout my life.

Deep down in my heart, I will always know that I can never hug you again. That feeling kills me each second. After I lost you, mourning has become a way of life for me. The beautiful memories we spent together make me smile; only till the time I realize you are no longer here. I miss you so so much, I wish I could ever do something for you, I wanted to take all your pain away. I wish I could do all that which made you happy. Time was never benevolent enough to give me a chance. Your death was a tough lesson to me that life is so uncertain. I wish destiny had this lesson conveyed to me in a different manner.

Today as I pen down my feelings, I realize why you always wished I was strong; because you knew that one day I would be needing the strength to bear your loss. I so wish to meet you to see you one last time. Things like these are very difficult to express in words. With the great amount of agony I have in me, my heart still remains empty without you. Your death came as a terrible black hole in my life which has engulfed each and every bit of my happiness. Loneliness, nostalgia and melancholy are my forever companions now. Your absence has made me lifeless. Wish I could really turn the tide of events and change the present.

–ShadesOfLife

The Universe

Just when we think we’ve figured things out, the universe throws us a curve ball. So we have to improvise, we find happiness in unexpected places, we find our way back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way, sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.

–ShadesofLife