Some tragedies don’t look like tragedies, some tragedies look like regular everyday stuff, you know, like laughter at the dinner table right after washing your tears off in the washroom, like going to work everyday and breaking down every night, like birthday parties at broken homes, like crumbling governments celebrating national holidays, some tragedies look normal, like the boy at school who falls asleep in the class because the classroom noise isn’t anywhere close to the fight between his parents, some tragedies look soft, like hating your body but shopping for expensive clothes, some tragedies look kind, like trying to help too many people because no one helps you, some tragedies look fierce, like having control issues because no one at home let you do what you wanted to, some tragedies look pretty, like six figure salaries but no time for dinner, some tragedies look calm, like the smiling salesman at the mall missing his mother all the time, some tragedies don’t look like tragedies.. They look like you, smiling, existing.
What does a heartbreak sound like?
Your heart is sensitive,
Does it cry loud
When broken into pieces?
Does it experience
Multiple feelings at the same time?
Does it also feel empty and heavy
At some point of time?
Yes it does.
Is it less than a sign of a heartbreak?
Is it not what sad poetry sounds like?
Yet you ask me,
What does a heartbreak feel like so
Let me tell you,
Emotions run down your spine,
Making the time go slow,
The day and the night
Are of the same length,
Old days, old memories
Get on your nerves
Sticking to your heart and soul
Just like a permanent tattoo.
The hurricane of winds
Paves their way through the
Making your mind think
Of your mistakes.
It sounds like the dusty book
That is willing to get cleaned
It’s like the dew drops
Waiting for an aura of petrichor.
Neither does it cry aloud
Nor does it stay silent.
It tells you variety of poetries
By bleeding chronicles
Of agony and distress.
It narrates the story of those dried flowers
Of the spring that urge you
To water them with purity
So that they can bloom
In the garden of love.
It’s like those unfinished tales
Waiting to complete itself.
A broken heart just resembles
The dark sky with meteors
Wanting to shine bright again
And shower the rains of happiness
Again in your life.
It feels that the sun has sunk
Forever leaving our soul in
The pool of darkness all alone.
Let me tell you,
It sounds like the heart is
Lifeless and is craving
For its life again.
Ask those who have experienced
A heartbreak by trusting others,
By putting their heart and soul on stake
They are still trying to get out of the formidable hurdles,
Candles of love and hope
Light in their heart
They’re just bearing the pain
Without uttering a single word.
The thing about pain is it’s never beautiful. You find yourself wallowing in a puddle of bitterness. So, you don’t
repulse the next time you sip that sugarless coffee. Or when you drag that unfiltered hand-rolled cigar.
The unsavoury doesn’t concern
you anymore. Because it runs in
your veins like blood.
You don’t cry nostalgically for happiness, because you have never been to its place. You crinkle like a paper
in a fist and cry quietly, but not for yourself; for the blue sky, so breathtaking yet sad, like poetry.
You drink poison hoping to die, but instead, it finds an abode inside you. There’s a flower in your garden that bleeds green; it pricks you and your red turns everything into yellow. You turn to art, thinking, it’ll rescue you from your malady. And that’s when you realise; art isn’t going to heal your scars, it’ll just make them more presentable.
I unturned the hourglass upside down
Sand descending back to the ground
And as the things undo themselves within
My bed sheets are back to uptight, spread fine
The pillow has dried up
As if it was never soaked from the tears
And my eyes
My eyes, no more look like a red dawn sun
As if mourning the death of a loved one
It’s normal again, like they deserve to be
The blood slowly dripping down my leg
Just took rewind, and is back in vein
The scars, the marks have disappeared
With a beautiful golden honey skin
There’s no more chaos in the room
Like it was some battlefield
Books are back in shelf, so clean it is
Like it just renewed itself
Time will heal
I knew it always
But the depth of my heart has will no more
To trust the time or its glory for that course
Rightly said you can never get over the pain of losing someone close to you, you somehow learn to live with it.
And for me, she was my whole life. Happiest birthday Mommy 🎂
Often heard people consoling :
“Everything is fine” even when it’s not.
“Don’t overthink, just be happy” as if it’s just that easy.
“Don’t be sad” like that will help.
“Just stop thinking about it” like that will heal it.
“Always be happy” when it’s literally impossible to be always happy. We get sad sometimes & it’s completely natural.
“Don’t think about suicide, you’re a happy person.” like those thoughts are in our control.
“You shouldn’t be depressed, you have everything” like depression is a choice.
“Just chill” doesn’t work every time. When something bad happens that makes you sad or when you lose something/someone, not thinking about it or simply distracting from it is not the solution. Most people do this because they find the escape much easier than to feel those negative emotions.
But it is not a good practice. We may feel better in the moment but in the long run, it suppresses our emotions, develops anxiety and detaches us from our emotions and feelings. Isn’t it okay to be sad? I guess it is okay to feel any kind of negative emotions. Having the power to confront your own self is not a small thing.
You might feel your way is easier, that escaping and hiding your pain with a smile is better. Maybe you’ll even say that there are no side effects from it. But it’s not so. You don’t see them because you choose not to. But they are all inside you. It might be low self-esteem, inability to sustain healthy relationships, endless feeling of loneliness, or unreasonable anger. But it’s all there. Better vent out and let your emotions flow because no one can be positive at all times.
Please remember that as you go through challenging moments in your life, you may not be able to change the people around you. Perhaps they will be rooted in their ways, perhaps they will have hearts that are hardened and slow to listen, or perhaps they are afraid of what will happen if they let go of what they’ve held for so long.⠀
It is not your job to change someone who is unwilling to change — not in perspectives, not in attitudes, and not even in love. But nothing can be changed that is not faced, so remind yourself that the fight is worth having, even when it’s hard.
Love is an intense feeling. You can not stop loving someone, just because you cannot be together or because they left. Love isn’t a promise nor an agreement, it doesn’t come with a warranty card or an enquiry desk.
Loving someone is like two edged knife, it’s pain disguised as pleasure and the other way around. Some people will come into your life to tear you apart and some will put you back together way too beautifully. One day you’re gonna wake up next to your loved one and you’ll know that they’ll be there even if you close your eyes. It’ll all make sense then. Wait for it.
You’ll never know when is the last time someone walks in or walks out. So have faith in your love and breathe.
I don’t know how loneliness works. What does it ask for? Just someone or someone specific. I may never be one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and still find a friend. I will never be someone whose phone beeps all the time because the world just can’t get enough of me. I can never be someone not lonely. I can never be someone trying to be less lonely. Maybe because I crave for something that the world knows nothing of. Something that only a man of words can read but never loud enough, but only in my words.
The only reason I’d walk in a room full of strangers would be to be one. To stand there and be no one, nothing, and everything. I don’t know how lonliness works, maybe it is me. I am my alone, my lonliness, my stranger. I hardly know who I am, and yet I am surrounded by people so full of who they are. It is lonely, this world, because everyone wants be not-lonely. I don’t understand that if people are supposed to be the cure of lonliness, why I feel the lonliest in a room full of people.
Those pigeons carrying your letters, I have never let them in. I saw them flapping their wings against my windows but I pulled down the shutters and closed the curtains, oblivious to the conditions outside. They were there all night and I found them sprawled on my doorstep the next morning, your letters still held between their beaks. I burned them all down and watched the wind take away their ashes with it.
When I am all by myself, I am sometimes reminded of your bubbling laughter which sounded like the waves breaking against the rocks ashore. I saw the withered roses which were pressed in between the pages of my favorite novel, your name on every one of them and that made me long for you endlessly.
But then I realized it again. Falling for you was like walking on the quagmire, the more I tried to escape, the more I sank into its depths. I’d seen the end the day itself when our eyes had met; two broken hearts which were too shattered to fall in love again and four eyes that were in search of someone who’ll never be with them forever. Ever since I have learned to drive, pain has taken a permanent place on the passenger seat of my car. And I always knew there was nothing but despair, longing and heartbreak at the end of this road.
This is everything that I never said to you when I could. But I promise, every night when I close my eyes, there will always be a prayer on my lips:
May you read it and know it is for you. I hope you know it’s always been just you.
The synopsis seemed good,
the cover too looked nice,
you opened the book
and began a new life.
You found yourself a new home,
you met some new friends,
you continued reading,
hoping it would never end.
You flipped through the pages,
you read out loud the words
you felt their joy,
their pain and hurt.
The pages cut your fingers,
and the words cut your heart,
Felt as if the author had a knife,
and was tearing your soul apart.
You laughed with the characters,
with them, you cried,
you lived with them, too
And with them, you died.
To be honest, facing your fear is the right thing to do. You can’t train yourself for it, you simply need to face it. Keep a strong belief in yourself that what is meant to stay in your life will stay no matter how many odds are in your favor. If you fear and worry about things, it only makes you suffer twice. So it’s better to have faith in yourself and keep going ahead. You’ll overcome all your fears eventually. Believe in the universe and the way it puts up things for you. Ultimately, remember the mantra for life that whatever happens, happens for the good.
Voluntarily or involuntarily, attachments happen and we get close to people. We may not be totally aware but with attachment comes a fear of loss. The fear of loss paralyses you to act sensibly and you feel as if everything is going down in flames. Life is beautiful, but it is only beautiful because it is finite. No matter you are having a good time or a bad time, always remember that – This too shall pass.
Whether you are in deep despair or in the midst of the greatest experience of happiness, remembering this truth will serve us well. Resistance to impermanence along with the ever-changing flow of all things in life, is a great cause of suffering. Let pass what must pass. Let go all that you fear to lose!
I frankly don’t have a clue what I am going to write about but the past few days have been quite strange for me. I mean I am fine and there is not much happening in my life but there is this heaviness I feel whenever I breathe. I feel like my mind is occupied with nothing yet everything. Somewhere I wish I had some sort of consistency in life. It is simply like as soon as I am happy something bad happens. Or you know, even when it doesn’t my mood just drops down and on a serious note I am tired. I don’t know whether this is just a phase or it will last forever.
In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that there is no forever, but there is. Forever has to be an infinite number but at times forever is as small as a kiss, as small as those gusts of wind rippling your hair, as small as the ocean waves hitting the shore. The moments you never wanted to end but it ended nevertheless. I don’t know if this phase is a short forever or a long one. Some days I am all good, doing my bit, happy, joyous and lively. But on the other days, I am on my bed, too numb to even write. These are those moments when I feel the sound of the clock ticking or the switched on lights, even these become too much to take. When I feel helpless and energy-less to even get out of bed is when I sink deeper and deeper. These moments make me question my existence and I fail to understand my own self.
You know that feeling when you get to read your favorite book but it is in some other language which you can’t comprehend and all you want to do is simply tear off the pages. These are my feelings. These emotions are mine and I simply do not know how to understand it all. All that I want is to end all of this. But this is how life is, the unhappiness, the pain, the resentment, the anger is all there! May be I will be better tomorrow, may be not! This is quite sudden and time taking but I hope all goes well in the end. Either there is a hopeless end or an endless hope!