The thing about pain is it’s never beautiful. You find yourself wallowing in a puddle of bitterness. So, you don’t
repulse the next time you sip that sugarless coffee. Or when you drag that unfiltered hand-rolled cigar.
The unsavoury doesn’t concern
you anymore. Because it runs in
your veins like blood.
You don’t cry nostalgically for happiness, because you have never been to its place. You crinkle like a paper
in a fist and cry quietly, but not for yourself; for the blue sky, so breathtaking yet sad, like poetry.
You drink poison hoping to die, but instead, it finds an abode inside you. There’s a flower in your garden that bleeds green; it pricks you and your red turns everything into yellow. You turn to art, thinking, it’ll rescue you from your malady. And that’s when you realise; art isn’t going to heal your scars, it’ll just make them more presentable.
Often heard people consoling :
“Everything is fine” even when it’s not.
“Don’t overthink, just be happy” as if it’s just that easy.
“Don’t be sad” like that will help.
“Just stop thinking about it” like that will heal it.
“Always be happy” when it’s literally impossible to be always happy. We get sad sometimes & it’s completely natural.
“Don’t think about suicide, you’re a happy person.” like those thoughts are in our control.
“You shouldn’t be depressed, you have everything” like depression is a choice.
“Just chill” doesn’t work every time. When something bad happens that makes you sad or when you lose something/someone, not thinking about it or simply distracting from it is not the solution. Most people do this because they find the escape much easier than to feel those negative emotions.
But it is not a good practice. We may feel better in the moment but in the long run, it suppresses our emotions, develops anxiety and detaches us from our emotions and feelings. Isn’t it okay to be sad? I guess it is okay to feel any kind of negative emotions. Having the power to confront your own self is not a small thing.
You might feel your way is easier, that escaping and hiding your pain with a smile is better. Maybe you’ll even say that there are no side effects from it. But it’s not so. You don’t see them because you choose not to. But they are all inside you. It might be low self-esteem, inability to sustain healthy relationships, endless feeling of loneliness, or unreasonable anger. But it’s all there. Better vent out and let your emotions flow because no one can be positive at all times.
Please remember that as you go through challenging moments in your life, you may not be able to change the people around you. Perhaps they will be rooted in their ways, perhaps they will have hearts that are hardened and slow to listen, or perhaps they are afraid of what will happen if they let go of what they’ve held for so long.⠀
It is not your job to change someone who is unwilling to change — not in perspectives, not in attitudes, and not even in love. But nothing can be changed that is not faced, so remind yourself that the fight is worth having, even when it’s hard.
Love is an intense feeling. You can not stop loving someone, just because you cannot be together or because they left. Love isn’t a promise nor an agreement, it doesn’t come with a warranty card or an enquiry desk.
Loving someone is like two edged knife, it’s pain disguised as pleasure and the other way around. Some people will come into your life to tear you apart and some will put you back together way too beautifully. One day you’re gonna wake up next to your loved one and you’ll know that they’ll be there even if you close your eyes. It’ll all make sense then. Wait for it.
You’ll never know when is the last time someone walks in or walks out. So have faith in your love and breathe.
It is not always advisable to wait for the right time when you want to confess or say something to someone. This time may be the right time and it’s just that probably you couldn’t figure it out. I feel that somewhere in a parallel universe there exists a record of all that you left unsaid. All that you backspaced and things you did not say. Somewhere those things have been segregated as per dates, just like these Whatsapp chat backups.
Those words that left you sour and empty and curdled your soul. All the things that you typed in clumsily over the phone in the middle of the night, masking all your desperation and dejection. It is all probably there in a parallel universe. These conversations exist in plenty and one day you will finally have access to all of those accumulated manuscripts. May be then you will realize how different life would have been if you had said all that you ever wanted to.
Life is unpredictable and we are swimmers in the ocean of uncertainty. Instead of being stuck in a whirlpool of confusions, speak up today.