Your insecurities are with you always. They are loud. As much as you try to hide them, they come out of their hiding places. Insecurities are a part of us. Parts of our bodies, our personalities and our past.
But remember, your flaws are a part of you. Your mistakes are what makes you human as no one is perfect. Even the most charming faces hide horrific secrets. It is absolutely okay if you do not fit in. Not everyone is supposed to. But it is not okay to demean you. Stop highlighting your flaws and be soft to yourself. Forgive yourself for all the self-loath, the hateful and pretentious remarks and every night you spent wishing that you were someone else. Your worth isn’t measured by the way you look and your fears. You are enough. In fact a thousand times enough!
Here are a few noteworthy dialogues from the Bollywood movie Kalank. The movie was not a great one though, but the dialogues are worth sharing which would for sure stay with you.
“When someone’s destruction seems like our victory then there is no one in the world who is as devastated as us.”
“The colour of love and hatred both are red but the difference is that in hatred the world gets destroyed and in love you have to destroy yourself. Still love is the one that gets defamed.”
“Some relationships are like debts. You don’t have to fulfill them, instead you have to repay them.”
“You’ll find thousands of reasons in the market of fear for not falling in love, but you have to search for only one reason in your own heart to fall in love.”
“Hope only makes you wait. It doesn’t change the reality.”
Loving yourself can be an incredibly difficult thing to do at times, you need to undo self hate and take hold of the concept of self love. Self love, I feel is a very abstract concept. It is not a single go-to destination. You may feel you are right there but then all of a sudden something happens and you begin to hate yourself. It happens and it is quite Normal. You can actually have bad days when you don’t love yourself and feel quite sad and hopeless.
You may constantly push yourself for self love but the thing is that there is no absolute solution for it. If you begin to love yourself, it is not like you will begin loving others as well. Loving your own self won’t make you love other people. On an ending note, all I want to highlight is that I love people who struggle everyday with self hate. You truly deserve all the love from others and you should be aware that you know who to love others beautifully despite not loving your own selves.
I do not hate the concept of self love, but what I dislike is the ambiguity of it which is used to make generalized statements to make people who struggle with loving themselves feel bad. We have a complicated relation with love and ourselves. Saying “no one can love you if you cannot love yourself is short-sighted and makes people feel inadequate.”
Human relations are not so black and white. I was loved when I was at my worst by people who I don’t believe I deserve but they loved me anyway. I have loved people when I hated myself badly, those people who think they do not deserve my love but I loved them anyway. In this big world nothing is so cut and dry as human relations.
Understand that you have a choice – Whenever you feel that your past is haunting you, generally it is owing to some intrusive thoughts. These intrusions can be regret, anger, hatred or sadness. Negative thoughts make us cling to past memories simply to weaken us.
Know the reason for holding on – Sticking to your past can actually be good. If someone did you wrong, it is genuine to hate them but in reality we would be the ones suffering. We cling to the past because we find comfort in something which is familiar. If you are happy to hold on it is only because it is consistent. Realize that you have a beautiful life waiting for you.
Focus on the present – It is important to know your existence, pause and look around you. You can use this strategy at all times, when ever you feel like your thoughts are overpowering you.
Free yourself from all the reminders – Anything which forces you to think of your past needs to go. Do not keep these reminders. Study your space and make a wise decision.
Opt for something productive – It is essential that you take some negative feeling and then convert it into some positive action. In case you feel angry, it is essential that you channel that energy into somewhere productive. If you are feeling sad, lift someone else up. No matter what it is important to keep moving!