Today, I learnt an important lesson from my therapist.
At the end of our hour, she told me that although I’ve been hurt and broken badly, she can see I still have parts that aren’t shattered.
I laughed lightly and I said ‘Yeah, one day that will be all of me, no parts shattered anymore”, And she said ‘No, it won‘t.”
And, for a second, I felt my heart break but she continued. “But it will be the most dominant part of you. Think of your body if you break your shoulder, even after it heals it will be tender. It will be a sore spot. You will be careful with it. There will be a gentleness when you care for it. If you crack a rib, laughing will hurt and, even after there is no longer a fracture, you may laugh lighterjust in case. You can heal, but it is okay to be aware of the parts of you that once hurt the most. The most important thing to know is that where there is tenderness, let there be gentleness.”
Often heard people consoling :
“Everything is fine” even when it’s not.
“Don’t overthink, just be happy” as if it’s just that easy.
“Don’t be sad” like that will help.
“Just stop thinking about it” like that will heal it.
“Always be happy” when it’s literally impossible to be always happy. We get sad sometimes & it’s completely natural.
“Don’t think about suicide, you’re a happy person.” like those thoughts are in our control.
“You shouldn’t be depressed, you have everything” like depression is a choice.
“Just chill” doesn’t work every time. When something bad happens that makes you sad or when you lose something/someone, not thinking about it or simply distracting from it is not the solution. Most people do this because they find the escape much easier than to feel those negative emotions.
But it is not a good practice. We may feel better in the moment but in the long run, it suppresses our emotions, develops anxiety and detaches us from our emotions and feelings. Isn’t it okay to be sad? I guess it is okay to feel any kind of negative emotions. Having the power to confront your own self is not a small thing.
You might feel your way is easier, that escaping and hiding your pain with a smile is better. Maybe you’ll even say that there are no side effects from it. But it’s not so. You don’t see them because you choose not to. But they are all inside you. It might be low self-esteem, inability to sustain healthy relationships, endless feeling of loneliness, or unreasonable anger. But it’s all there. Better vent out and let your emotions flow because no one can be positive at all times.
I am so tired of being strong. I’m so tired of saying that it’s okay every time someone treats me badly. I’m tired of being the bigger person and always making excuses for other people. I’m tired of constantly proving how much people mean to me when they won’t do the same.
It’s difficult, isn’t it? Having a big heart, and the ability to forgive so quickly and easily, being the one that always tries their very best to make others happy. And still getting hurt, getting taken for granted and being left behind as though you didn’t mean anything. That’s the thing about being a good person – you give yourself so many excuses to look out for others that you forget to look out for yourself.
And in the end, when they get everything that they wanted, and they start to walk away without looking back in your direction – you are the one who’s left with a hole in your chest where your heart should have been.
Never allow someone to guilt trip you in believing your problems are small, or you don’t have it as bad as them. They don’t know the status of your heart or the depth of your strength.
It is okay to trip over your emotions but be your own lending hand back to the top.
When you worry more for someone else and less for yourself,
When someone is always in your mind and your prayers,
When someones’ tears cause immense pain in your heart,
When you smile seeing them happy ,
When their struggles tire you and their pain tears you in two,
This is the point when you realize you are in love. ❤
It is actually odd that you spend your entire life not knowing that someone exists but after you speak to them, spend time and fall in love, then spending another day without them beside you seem impossible.
Love is weird. We look at someone and decide that we wish to spend the rest of our lives with them when earlier we didn’t even know where they were or what they were doing. Suddenly, all our dreams are with them by our side. All hopes for the future picture them and our goals depict them. We start depending on them both mentally and emotionally. It is odd that if we hadn’t met we would be continuing our own journey, unaffected by where they are Or what they are doing. But the moment our destinies collide & we give our hearts to them, everything changes forever.
That is why love is so powerful, so magical. Love is so magnificent and this is why it exists.
In life there comes a point when we either feel too much or nothing at all. We try to ignore our feelings because we think feeling the same thing for a while will end up giving pain to our own heart. We gradually begin suppressing things, because expressing would not make the situation any better. You may get a hand to shake but not a ear to express your fears, your flaws or emotions. Since the very beginning, we have been taught to make ourselves valuable in front of everyone but not vulnerable.
At times, we hide our tears as if it is a bomb that would explode the city which lies inside us. But there are cities which are laid to dust yet built again. In reality, the point is that some feelings are like birds, they are happy when we let them fly rather than cage them in our heart.
We humans are nothing but a soul full of emotions. It is completely okay to cry. Unless you cry openly, you will not be able to laugh properly. Cry your fucking heart out and unleash the burden of your feelings. Crying does not make you weak, it only saves you from being a living corpse.
The day I learned not to bother about whatever was happening with you was the day I realized, that my heart is brave to strike off that one thing which I had kept on the highest pedestal since so long. That day I accepted that what’s not meant to happen, no matter how hard I try, no matter how far I run, will not happen. And practically speaking, there is no loss in losing what was never yours, there is no defeat in stepping outside, empty-handed, there is no guilt in giving up on something which never held on to you.
That day I understood that my heart isn’t a graveyard of your memories, where I had buried each one of them chronologically. My heart is certainly not a garden of remembrance where you visit once in a blue moon to offer your condolences to my fallen hopes.
The day your words managed to pierce through the walls of my delicate heart, which were once filled with love, only for you; that day itself you managed to earn my ignorance. From that day itself, your existence never really mattered to me, anymore. So, congrats you have permanently destroyed a perpetual source of love. You have been successful in pushing away a pair of palms that, whenever folded, prayed for you. You successfully lost each and every wish that was meant only for you.
But, forget not that everything, good or bad, eventually comes to an end. So will this, one day. For now, I am letting it burn, our unfinished book, I don’t remember what page number were we at, I don’t remember what chapter had I started before you tore it apart. Neither do I want to remember. I just hope you have a happy and a successful life.
Those pigeons carrying your letters, I have never let them in. I saw them flapping their wings against my windows but I pulled down the shutters and closed the curtains, oblivious to the conditions outside. They were there all night and I found them sprawled on my doorstep the next morning, your letters still held between their beaks. I burned them all down and watched the wind take away their ashes with it.
When I am all by myself, I am sometimes reminded of your bubbling laughter which sounded like the waves breaking against the rocks ashore. I saw the withered roses which were pressed in between the pages of my favorite novel, your name on every one of them and that made me long for you endlessly.
But then I realized it again. Falling for you was like walking on the quagmire, the more I tried to escape, the more I sank into its depths. I’d seen the end the day itself when our eyes had met; two broken hearts which were too shattered to fall in love again and four eyes that were in search of someone who’ll never be with them forever. Ever since I have learned to drive, pain has taken a permanent place on the passenger seat of my car. And I always knew there was nothing but despair, longing and heartbreak at the end of this road.
This is everything that I never said to you when I could. But I promise, every night when I close my eyes, there will always be a prayer on my lips:
May you read it and know it is for you. I hope you know it’s always been just you.
One-sided love is one of the worst things that can happen. After confessing your feelings and getting a negative response from the other side, is it possible to stay as friends? Still being friends is a statement that destroys you over and over again. The question is can you still stay as friends after you have loved someone immensely?
He said we can still be friends but what I don’t understand is how can I look at him when someone else is holding his hand? I can hear my own heart sting with pain shattering into a million pieces so loudly that it deafens me, then how can I look at him when he is walking hand in hand with someone else. How can we still be friends when I have to hide my tears when he talks of her?
I guess he meant we can stay as strangers with distant memories that we don’t remember unless we see them in old pictures. But the fact is we simply can’t be friends when your voice hurts me and it reminds me of all those times we spent together. How can you look at someone you love while that person loves somebody else? Friends don’t look at each other wishing they were something more.
Friedrich Nietzsche in this statement says that when you go through tough times, you gradually build up the strength for the next painful event. In case of a trauma, it may be quite a comforting thought. But most importantly, how do you feel about this statement? Does it resonate with you, or does it sound cliched?
It can be viewed as a war wound, to heal from a really bad time feeling more powerful and ready to take on the next battle. But with me, that is not quite the case. Especially after rough days and tough times, I find myself weaker and more sad. For me the quote goes like – What doesn’t kill you hurts you incredibly and makes you vulnerable and pathetic.
At times, it happens that a few tough situations help in becoming a stronger person. But the really big things, the things that totally altered my life without my consent, the loss of my most loved ones, the horrible experience of being desperately lonely or panic-stricken with anxiety and such other times have bought nothing empowering in me. I’ve felt my heart shatter into pieces and my soul dry, but I never felt stronger after those days. I was only happy that they were over.
I personally feel that strength doesn’t come from life’s worst moments, rather it comes from the best. Whenever I am loved, I feel strong. I find strength in the times when I’ve been most generous and caring. I find strength when I am able to deal well with the bad days. But I feel weak when I face those gloomy bad days. So with me, what doesn’t kill me, does not make me stronger, rather it makes me more weaker and snatches the entire energy out of my existence.
Talking of the heart and the head debate, you know the head usually opts for the safer option, whereas the heart advocates the risky one. At times, because of this misalignment, it is quite possible to feel divided within the same body.
Your heart is the little voice or the intuition that guides you. When faced with a conflict, your mind may have several logical reasons to act but if you listen to your heart, you are generally more happier, because that is what you actually wanted to do or believe in. The mind which can understand the most complicated and intricate theories, the same mind can be upset over a harmless remark. The mind has no relation with deeper feelings and as a result it creates endless dramas in your life. Mind is the content but the heart is the essence.
In the conflict between the mind and the heart, it is also your emotional state in which you decide, which plays a major role. It is not wrong to follow your heart, but never do so in a state of anger or happiness, as those emotions can cloud your judgement as well as influence your decision. Follow your heart always, but at the same time, do not completely ignore what your mind has to say. A blend of heart and head will bring you closer to the most favorable decisions. You know it is the right decision when the situation satiates both your mind and heart simultaneously.
Have you ever seen those Mountain waterfalls? There is something about them which always leaves me in awe. They’re so mysterious, because they seem to be flowing out of nowhere. When you’re just driving past by, you can’t see their point of origination. And that’s what makes them so mesmerising.
For me, they simply seem to flow out of the heart of the mountain, as if the mountain was so full of its own soul, that it had to let it all well forth, unabashed, unstructured, free. How beautiful it is to be free, no? Free falling, free feeling, free flowing, yet inherently rooted, belonging but not bound. This, I believe is the best feeling ever! You know you belong somewhere but you are still under no boundations of any sort.
The heart wants what it wants. Sometimes there is no logic to these things. You meet someone all of a sudden and you fall in love. The heart has its reasons that reason knows not. The heart has a different language, one which the mind does not comprehend.
The emotions such as love are not under the conscious and cognitive control of the heart. Is it true that the heart wants what it wants? It is indeed true as some emotions are not under our control. You cannot simply start unloving someone no matter how hard the situation may be. Love and attraction always have an upper hand over logic. It is not always the case that you should listen to your heart, rather you should bring your head into the equation as well.
Think not just about what the heart wants but also pay heed to what the heart is trying to avoid. At times, when you want to be close to your favorite person, but you can’t be, you may feel very painful as if totally unable to bear the pain. But the truth is, the anticipation of how bad you may feel, is worse than your actual feeling. The heart wants what it wants but it is better to use your head in order to make better decisions.
Love is not synonymous with pain and the day you realise this will be the day you accept the person who treats you right! It will be the day you let real love in, one which brings butterflies in your stomach and gives you a heart pump the moment you catch a glimpse of them. It is a love which comes in smiles and laughs and causes an ache in your stomach when you both are together. It is a love which makes you the best version of you, which believes in you when you stop believing in yourself. A love that smiles at you even when life is tough and tells you that “it will all be fine because I have faith in you.”
Love is beautiful when felt for the right person. There is a place in my heart where a part of you will always be a part of me. This is love and when you realise love is not painful, that day you will welcome it in its entirety.
To be honest, I have never sat down and thought about the importance of trusting myself. I never knew how important it was to believe in the process of trusting my own self. When it comes to trust, I always put my attention on trusting others, I never thought of any internal process.
But just when I bought this concept internally to my own self, I found the answers to all my questions. The truth was that I had no trust on myself and never really felt that way. I was also not aware of the toll it was taking on my life. I began to note the side effects of not trusting myself – confusion, stress, anxiety and mood swings. These are some factors that need to be lessened in life so I knew I had to work upon trusting myself.
From the outside, I always felt that I never trusted people but the truth was that I didn’t trust myself. I felt I was too genuine to be good enough, too genuine to be loved and I felt I would be okay even if I messed up. I doubted myself, my possibilities, my worth and most importantly my confidence in my own depths. This was the reason I found myself swinging in numbness and pain.
It is true that things go wrong when you trust yourself more but it is also true that things go wrong and stay wrong when you trust yourself less than you should. Trust yourself and listen to your heart. No matter what the case be, remember you always get to choose what you want to do next!
Quite funny indeed. We know not what destiny wants from us. When we meet someone it is tough to figure out whether it is destiny, coincidence or pure luck. Same is the case when we lose someone, no matter be it a broken relationship or the loss of a person due to unexpected death, the hardest part to deal with and experience is the vacuum of loss that is felt in the heart.
It feels as if all of a sudden a very important and significant part of our life, which is the most essential for us is taken away. There can be no immediate replacement. What is left behind is a big void. An empty space, a black hole which we simply cannot have any idea of. We start feeling hollow, it is a feeling like suddenly our hearts have been taken away from us. And trust me, this feeling is deadly.
What destiny wants is a question no one has an answer to, but I wish there was an answer to this. Some times you love a person with all your heart and do all the possible things you can to keep him in your life but destiny has other plans for you. You have to leave them because they are not destined to be in your life. And leaving is not easy, especially when you love someone. It’s not tough to leave people behind, it ‘s their memories that haunt.
It’s true when said – ” Tumse milna ittefaq tha, bichadna naseeb.” In English – “Meeting you was a mere coincidence, parting ways was destiny.” But I guess you keep learning when life unfolds itself and evolve during the process.
What destiny wants cannot be known before hand. This reminds me of a famous English couplet that says, “It’s fate that flings the dice and when it flings/ Of kings makes peasants and of peasants makes kings.” True indeed!
It is quite strange how one day some one just stops loving you all of a sudden. They decide never to be in touch with you and never coming back to you. All of a sudden all you have is despair and a cloud of sadness enveloping you. This hits straight like a sting and fucks up your entire being. Your soul is filled with remorse as you know you couldn’t keep them with you.
When you feel some one no longer loves you , you live in denial. You lie to yourself that may be they will be back with you and their memories haunt you and make you sick. May be you never thought you would witness a day where every beat of your heat would make you aware of your loneliness. But you have to let them go. No matter how bad you want to be with them. Life will go on and I hope you never blame yourself for it. When someone stops loving you, they lose a person who would give them every ounce of their existence and you lose someone who may be never deserved you in the first place. It surely aches but one day you will feel better.
Believe it or not, it is true that no one stays in your life forever. Just like nothing lasts forever, in a similar fashion; no one is bound to stay in your life always. So, when someone says they will love you forever, can you trust them?
Nothing lasts forever, so why should love be an exception? Everything gradually gets crushed. It all gets broken. It all passes with time. Only the moment you’re in carries some meaning. Somethings stand the test of time just like the things that last. Like love.
Love can easily be compared to fire on a rainy day. You certainly have to devote your time protecting it, feeding it, tending it because if you do not cater to it, it eventually goes out of your way. Good times and good things are not meant to last. You tend to feel miserable because you know you have put in your energy as well as time but the net result is a big ZERO. One day you have the summer sun and the next winter storms. But that is how it is supposed to be!
This is the tragedy and miracle of existence – that everything is so temporary. The only thing that’s permanent is change. So next when you hear someone saying that they are with you forever, don’t trust them. They can be in your hearts and memories forever but physically they may or may not be with you. Life is a collection of moments, moments that form the necklace of life and to complete the circle, it is always important to end a chapter.
Understand that you have a choice – Whenever you feel that your past is haunting you, generally it is owing to some intrusive thoughts. These intrusions can be regret, anger, hatred or sadness. Negative thoughts make us cling to past memories simply to weaken us.
Know the reason for holding on – Sticking to your past can actually be good. If someone did you wrong, it is genuine to hate them but in reality we would be the ones suffering. We cling to the past because we find comfort in something which is familiar. If you are happy to hold on it is only because it is consistent. Realize that you have a beautiful life waiting for you.
Focus on the present – It is important to know your existence, pause and look around you. You can use this strategy at all times, when ever you feel like your thoughts are overpowering you.
Free yourself from all the reminders – Anything which forces you to think of your past needs to go. Do not keep these reminders. Study your space and make a wise decision.
Opt for something productive – It is essential that you take some negative feeling and then convert it into some positive action. In case you feel angry, it is essential that you channel that energy into somewhere productive. If you are feeling sad, lift someone else up. No matter what it is important to keep moving!
When it comes to feelings, you may believe certain feelings are bad and some good. Remember that there are no good or bad feelings. We are emotional and have a broad range of feelings, which truly have a purpose. Feelings ought to be expressed or else suppressed emotions at times manifest themselves in quite an improper manner.
If there was only happiness, it would eventually lose its luster over time. So it is important to experience sadness and unhappiness as well so as to truly appreciate the beauty of it all. Without being aware of the dark sadness we would not be able to appreciate the light of happiness.
Feelings too have a life cycle. They take birth, bloom, they peak and then die off. But that is how it is. The sooner you accept it, the better. Even in couples, after a disagreement, there will be resentment and anger which is not expressed. If the underlying feelings remain unexpressed, it generally leads to a disproportionate disconnect. All the unexpressed feelings will eventually explode.
It is important that we allow ourselves to fully engage with our feelings. Even if you feel sad, challenge yourself to stay compassionate which will help you to widen your emotional bandwidth and normalize feelings like sadness, despair or anger.
It is very important to embrace your feelings. Close your eyes and let your emotions consume you, cover you like a blanket, warm you from the inside out. After all, it’s absolutely okay to feel your feelings.
Generally it is not about the romantic way you meet someone. It’s basically about your compatibility, gestures and adoration. When it comes down to one thing to sustain love, it’s definitely choice. When you choose to love someone, it’s your decision. Every second, you put some effort to nurture that love and this gets us in trouble. I feel its wrong to say that love is something which happens to us. It’s something we make happen.
Love is an action, a pure choice, a commitment. The most beautiful thing about love is that you know that you are chosen by the person you chose. Love needs sacrifice and it won’t always be easy. But it is most beautiful when reciprocated. When you love someone you have something which is so profound. You have a home in that person, where you can be your own self, somewhere you can rest without being judged.
You will have some one who sees you truly and loves you forever. You don’t choose the one you will be attracted to, but you choose the one with whom you will stay in love with. Feelings are fleeting, it is a fickle thing. How you are feeling today will not resonate with the way you feel tomorrow. But real love is constant, it’s tangible. And when life becomes too unbearable, it’s love that gives us the strength. Feelings do not play any role here. When life throws us a curve ball, it’s in love where you will get the much-needed stability. You can’t just abandon love specially when its hard.
Love isn’t really a feeling, nor is it a state of euphoria. It’s hard work which needs constant compromise. Feelings can flicker, it can come and go. But real love? It stays and goes on forever!
Sometimes letting go is necessary. It may not be easy but letting it go on can be much more painful. Destiny cannot be changed and you cannot really bluff what is written in your fate. But in the end, what you need to remember is that there is a difference between being loved and being valued. Many may love you but it is important to know who values you.
This process is quite heavy and needs a lot of willingness. Goodbyes are always hard but at times it is necessary. When you let go, you let go of your past, meaning some part of you, you let go your expectations, your existence, in other words. And trust me, it is a horrific process.
I once read somewhere ” The only meaning that anything has is the meaning you give it, ” and trust me it makes a lot of sense. Fear is the house for all negative emotions. If you were not afraid of letting go, you would have done it already. I know it is not that simple as it appears to be but you are the sailor of your life’s ship and you need to decide what is the best for you.