Often heard people consoling :
“Everything is fine” even when it’s not.
“Don’t overthink, just be happy” as if it’s just that easy.
“Don’t be sad” like that will help.
“Just stop thinking about it” like that will heal it.
“Always be happy” when it’s literally impossible to be always happy. We get sad sometimes & it’s completely natural.
“Don’t think about suicide, you’re a happy person.” like those thoughts are in our control.
“You shouldn’t be depressed, you have everything” like depression is a choice.
“Just chill” doesn’t work every time. When something bad happens that makes you sad or when you lose something/someone, not thinking about it or simply distracting from it is not the solution. Most people do this because they find the escape much easier than to feel those negative emotions.
But it is not a good practice. We may feel better in the moment but in the long run, it suppresses our emotions, develops anxiety and detaches us from our emotions and feelings. Isn’t it okay to be sad? I guess it is okay to feel any kind of negative emotions. Having the power to confront your own self is not a small thing.
You might feel your way is easier, that escaping and hiding your pain with a smile is better. Maybe you’ll even say that there are no side effects from it. But it’s not so. You don’t see them because you choose not to. But they are all inside you. It might be low self-esteem, inability to sustain healthy relationships, endless feeling of loneliness, or unreasonable anger. But it’s all there. Better vent out and let your emotions flow because no one can be positive at all times.
There is nothing wrong in being sad. It is completely okay. You have every right to feel like a total mess and nobody can question you. Do not ever bottle your feelings just because you are afraid of people. You may feel sadness is not leaving you but remember this feeling is temporary.
Masks too hurt at times because they conceal the real you and give you a fake identity. To heal, you need to let your pain out. Cry, scream, express yourself. Do whatever you can but do not sulk. Acknowledge that you are hurt but remember that better things are coming. Every cloud has a silver lining and after every difficulty comes relief.
In life there comes a point when we either feel too much or nothing at all. We try to ignore our feelings because we think feeling the same thing for a while will end up giving pain to our own heart. We gradually begin suppressing things, because expressing would not make the situation any better. You may get a hand to shake but not a ear to express your fears, your flaws or emotions. Since the very beginning, we have been taught to make ourselves valuable in front of everyone but not vulnerable.
At times, we hide our tears as if it is a bomb that would explode the city which lies inside us. But there are cities which are laid to dust yet built again. In reality, the point is that some feelings are like birds, they are happy when we let them fly rather than cage them in our heart.
We humans are nothing but a soul full of emotions. It is completely okay to cry. Unless you cry openly, you will not be able to laugh properly. Cry your fucking heart out and unleash the burden of your feelings. Crying does not make you weak, it only saves you from being a living corpse.
The synopsis seemed good,
the cover too looked nice,
you opened the book
and began a new life.
You found yourself a new home,
you met some new friends,
you continued reading,
hoping it would never end.
You flipped through the pages,
you read out loud the words
you felt their joy,
their pain and hurt.
The pages cut your fingers,
and the words cut your heart,
Felt as if the author had a knife,
and was tearing your soul apart.
You laughed with the characters,
with them, you cried,
you lived with them, too
And with them, you died.
Sorry if you feel that this page is slowly turning out to become a rant page. It’s just those mind fuck-ups. Lately I have been thinking a lot about attachments. Do you realize how much you grow attached to a few things like books, people, places? Sometimes, somethings that you are most attached to, end up hurting you.
I always have been very possessive about my books, my people and the places I have been connected to. Some places are you go-to places, you go there when you have a bad day or a good day. Also, you don’t want others to know about that place, because then that place would no longer be yours. You would always want to keep that place a secret. Same is the case with my books. I never lent my books to anyone as I always felt it would disrupt the bond that I share with my book.
At times we stop going to a few places because they remind us of some bitter memories or because we found a better place to call ours. Attachment is also a similar phenomena. The less attached you are, the more peaceful you will be.
Is it true that time is the best healer? If it is so, how long does it take to heal our wounds; two months, one year, two years, five years? Is time alone enough for our grief to subside? I don’t think so and here is the reason why.
When I lost my mother, it was difficult to keep myself “under control,” and so I kept myself frantically busy. I would devote all my time to work and exhaust myself until late at night and spend hours doing whatever I could to distract myself from acknowledging what I already knew in order to run away from my grief. But I could never understand that one of the biggest myths about pain and grief is that Time is the best healer which is never true. Time does not heal anything, the pain remains there always, you eventually somehow get used to it and start living with the pain.
Personally, I don’t think time heals at all. Time may make things seem less important than they once were. With enough time, we experience more and more of life’s ups and downs, and that serves to give us more perspective. I think it would be better to say that Time makes us numb, or that Time lets us forget.
The pain is always there, buried deep inside which undergoes a metamorphosis into bitterness or stays just like some hardness and makes us a little more cynical.
Understand that you have a choice – Whenever you feel that your past is haunting you, generally it is owing to some intrusive thoughts. These intrusions can be regret, anger, hatred or sadness. Negative thoughts make us cling to past memories simply to weaken us.
Know the reason for holding on – Sticking to your past can actually be good. If someone did you wrong, it is genuine to hate them but in reality we would be the ones suffering. We cling to the past because we find comfort in something which is familiar. If you are happy to hold on it is only because it is consistent. Realize that you have a beautiful life waiting for you.
Focus on the present – It is important to know your existence, pause and look around you. You can use this strategy at all times, when ever you feel like your thoughts are overpowering you.
Free yourself from all the reminders – Anything which forces you to think of your past needs to go. Do not keep these reminders. Study your space and make a wise decision.
Opt for something productive – It is essential that you take some negative feeling and then convert it into some positive action. In case you feel angry, it is essential that you channel that energy into somewhere productive. If you are feeling sad, lift someone else up. No matter what it is important to keep moving!