I frankly don’t have a clue what I am going to write about but the past few days have been quite strange for me. I mean I am fine and there is not much happening in my life but there is this heaviness I feel whenever I breathe. I feel like my mind is occupied with nothing yet everything. Somewhere I wish I had some sort of consistency in life. It is simply like as soon as I am happy something bad happens. Or you know, even when it doesn’t my mood just drops down and on a serious note I am tired. I don’t know whether this is just a phase or it will last forever.
In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that there is no forever, but there is. Forever has to be an infinite number but at times forever is as small as a kiss, as small as those gusts of wind rippling your hair, as small as the ocean waves hitting the shore. The moments you never wanted to end but it ended nevertheless. I don’t know if this phase is a short forever or a long one. Some days I am all good, doing my bit, happy, joyous and lively. But on the other days, I am on my bed, too numb to even write. These are those moments when I feel the sound of the clock ticking or the switched on lights, even these become too much to take. When I feel helpless and energy-less to even get out of bed is when I sink deeper and deeper. These moments make me question my existence and I fail to understand my own self.
You know that feeling when you get to read your favorite book but it is in some other language which you can’t comprehend and all you want to do is simply tear off the pages. These are my feelings. These emotions are mine and I simply do not know how to understand it all. All that I want is to end all of this. But this is how life is, the unhappiness, the pain, the resentment, the anger is all there! May be I will be better tomorrow, may be not! This is quite sudden and time taking but I hope all goes well in the end. Either there is a hopeless end or an endless hope!