Posted in In A Nut Shell

Some Tragedies….

Some tragedies don’t look like tragedies, some tragedies look like regular everyday stuff, you know, like laughter at the dinner table right after washing your tears off in the washroom, like going to work everyday and breaking down every night, like birthday parties at broken homes, like crumbling governments celebrating national holidays, some tragedies look normal, like the boy at school who falls asleep in the class because the classroom noise isn’t anywhere close to the fight between his parents, some tragedies look soft, like hating your body but shopping for expensive clothes, some tragedies look kind, like trying to help too many people because no one helps you, some tragedies look fierce, like having control issues because no one at home let you do what you wanted to, some tragedies look pretty, like six figure salaries but no time for dinner, some tragedies look calm, like the smiling salesman at the mall missing his mother all the time, some tragedies don’t look like tragedies.. They look like you, smiling, existing.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Heartbreak’s Sound

What does a heartbreak sound like?
Your heart is sensitive,
Isn’t it?
Does it cry loud
When broken into pieces?
Does it experience
Multiple feelings at the same time?
Does it also feel empty and heavy
At some point of time?
Yes it does.

Is it less than a sign of a heartbreak?
Is it not what sad poetry sounds like?
Yet you ask me,
What does a heartbreak feel like so
Let me tell you,

Emotions run down your spine,
Making the time go slow,
The day and the night
Are of the same length,
Old days, old memories
Get on your nerves
Sticking to your heart and soul
Just like a permanent tattoo.

The hurricane of winds
Paves their way through the
Polluted atmosphere
Making your mind think
Of your mistakes.
It sounds like the dusty book
That is willing to get cleaned
Once again.
It’s like the dew drops
Waiting for an aura of petrichor.

Neither does it cry aloud
Nor does it stay silent.
It tells you variety of poetries
By bleeding chronicles
Of agony and distress.
It narrates the story of those dried flowers
Of the spring that urge you
To water them with purity
So that they can bloom
In the garden of love.
It’s like those unfinished tales
Waiting to complete itself.

A broken heart just resembles
The dark sky with meteors
Wanting to shine bright again
And shower the rains of happiness
Again in your life.
It feels that the sun has sunk
Forever leaving our soul in
The pool of darkness all alone.
And yes,
Let me tell you,
It sounds like the heart is
Lifeless and is craving
For its life again.

Ask those who have experienced
A heartbreak by trusting others,
By putting their heart and soul on stake
They are still trying to get out of the formidable hurdles,
Candles of love and hope
Light in their heart
They’re just bearing the pain
Without uttering a single word.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Positivity is Toxic at Times

Often heard people consoling :
“Everything is fine” even when it’s not.
“Don’t overthink, just be happy” as if it’s just that easy.
“Don’t be sad” like that will help.
“Just stop thinking about it” like that will heal it.
“Always be happy” when it’s literally impossible to be always happy. We get sad sometimes & it’s completely natural.
“Don’t think about suicide, you’re a happy person.” like those thoughts are in our control.
“You shouldn’t be depressed, you have everything” like depression is a choice.

“Just chill” doesn’t work every time. When something bad happens that makes you sad or when you lose something/someone, not thinking about it or simply distracting from it is not the solution. Most people do this because they find the escape much easier than to feel those negative emotions.

But it is not a good practice. We may feel better in the moment but in the long run, it suppresses our emotions, develops anxiety and detaches us from our emotions and feelings. Isn’t it okay to be sad? I guess it is okay to feel any kind of negative emotions. Having the power to confront your own self is not a small thing.

You might feel your way is easier, that escaping and hiding your pain with a smile is better. Maybe you’ll even say that there are no side effects from it. But it’s not so. You don’t see them because you choose not to. But they are all inside you. It might be low self-esteem, inability to sustain healthy relationships, endless feeling of loneliness, or unreasonable anger. But it’s all there. Better vent out and let your emotions flow because no one can be positive at all times.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

Firefly Lost in Woods

Why cant i fly away
with these winds,
like those hummingbirds
and just disappear into the horizon
and land in a new world
where it rains most of the time,
where light and hope doesn’t
come in intangible fragments.
where happiness is not
scarce like kindness in the world

Where I feel alive, where I can breathe openly.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Life Lessons

Happy Mother’s Day Mum!

Initially I used to wonder “Kyu Nahi ma, Saari duniya tere tarah.” This world is not much of a beautiful place as you think it is. You come to this world through one support and that’s your mother, who is your God, your creator, your lifeline. But what when your lifeline is no longer with you.

Well, since she has left life has changed drastically. My days don’t go well and my mind sometimes stays in a muddle. But you know what helps? I take out her picture, and put it aside me. I talk to her and it releases all the discomfort I face. At times I wonder what mothers are born with? A real magical power or a lap that has the purest love?
As children we always fail to understand your love but you are the only one who can love unconditionally. I guess, writers and philosophers still fail to describe mother’s love because you come in so many different shades. Wherever you are I wish you are in peace Mum. I miss you Amma is just a daily phrase now because no words can ever express how empty I feel without you.
Ending with just one line, “Kabhi ho Nahi sakti ma, Saari duniya teri tarah” .

ShadesofLife

Posted in Idiosyncrasies

Array of Nothingness

You can try to put your
feelings & nightmares in a bottle
and throw it out in the ocean
and you hope that it goes away,
you hope that it never
comes back to you,
but it always comes back
and you know it,
it never goes away,
just like sunshine in the morning
it somehow manages
to come back everyday.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

I Did Not Know…

I did not know
how to love myself
and love you
at the same time

I could either give it all
to you
Or all
to me.

If I split it down
the middle
we were both left
with too little.
And I have never
Been one
to disappoint.

The problem with
Being in love
Is that you have no clue
How to love somebody
Without replacing your entire
Self worth on them.

If they love you,
You love you.

If they leave,
Your self esteem
Goes with them.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Life Lessons

Ending…

Hope is a song i wrote for you,
now i’m stripping it off lyric by lyric.

Misery is a nothing-town sleeping
over the grave of heartbreaks.
you’re misery.
i’m that grave.

Falling for someone is standing
on the edge
and dancing with the devil.
whoever falls first, wins.
My feet are bleeding.
I lost, like I always do.

Staying back is like winning
a lottery, but
only when they want you to stay.
you don’t want me to, do you?

Asking you to stay is like
keeping my heart in a blender
and handing it over to you.
Rest is our history, shattered.

But look,
i won’t disappoint.
s(t)ay, i am a fool.
s(t)ay, you love me.
s(t)ay, we will survive.
s(t)ay, you want us to work.
s(t)ay, i’m hopeless.
s(t)ay, it’s me who needs to leave.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

Lost But Not Found

We lose things just like it happens in a game. We find things, just like we get fame at a game. But sometimes we lose things and we do not find it. It is a norm usually followed that what is gone returns. But often it does not. Often what we lose cannot be found again. Or, even if you get it, it is found in a state that it has been lost, which is far beyond recovery. Like maybe some memory.

At times, we lose memory, and we recover it. But sometimes it also happens that we never find the memory which we lose again. And many a times it happens that we want to lose that memory because it is not something which we want to keep. We do not wish to have it back. What do you do with the memory of the dead? Would you lose it or would you want to find it? What is lost but not found may not be forever lost.

But who knows what happens? In this dilemma between being and not being, between being what requires no finding and being lost, they were to be found. Between take off and landing there exists no mystery. Everything that flies eventually comes to land. Generally it happens that when the lost thing comes to be found it is simply a debris of lost things. Lost. Found. But eventually lost.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

All Happy Faces Aren’t Happy

A smiling face does not always mean that a person is happy. Smile is something that can hide anything going on in a person’s mind. But it can hide the pain to a certain limit.

When I was going through this painful phase where I lost my mom, I was totally a different person. I would sit on park benches for hours pushing back tears, fighting to stay upright, and always seconds away from being a total freak out. Anyone passing by me, looked deeply into my bloodshot eyes or sometimes noticed the occasional break in my voice and simply would ask me what’s wrong. Frankly speaking, at that point of time I was so lost and frustrated that I simply wanted to wear a sign that said: I LOST MY MOM. PLEASE GO EASY.

When things go wrong with you, you are actually the one who has to face everything. No one can ever understand an inch of your pain that you are going through, no one has any idea of the gaping sinkhole that has just opened up and swallowed the normal life of yours.

Life is a battle and we are all warriors. Everyone around you is experiencing the collateral damage of living, in one way or the other. They are all grieving someone, fighting their own battle, missing someone and are worried about someone. Every single human being you pass by is fighting to find peace, to get through their daily tasks without breaking down. Pain-ravaged people are everywhere and we are quite oblivious to them. But no one wears the sign – I AM STRUGGLING, SO BE NICE TO ME. And since they don’t, it’s up to you and me to look more closely and be more considerate towards them. Because most people are hanging by a thread and our simple kindness can be that thread.

No matter how hard the hidden stories around us might be, if you look with the right eyes, you’ll see the signs. Be considerate, be loving because all happy faces aren’t happy.

ShadesofLife