Its the hardest thing in the world to know everything about a person and then trying to forget it. All the vivid details. How they eat an egg roll with great interest. How they want a sookha golgappa with only dahi at the end. How they only liked their chai when head bursts with work. Random stories and tales they once told you .Why they think chapp is one of the best things to have and how green chillies are the worst when they come in the mouth. What makes them smile and how certain memories show up as ghosts in the graveyards of their eyes . Why love for them happens everyday is difficult to understand .
It’s like living in their universe and realising they are the sun.
There is a void between remembering and forgetting and all of us just hang there .You keep waiting that someday this wouldn’t hurt anymore and maybe they will come back. It’s a thing we human do fantasize Because reality is a cesspool of tragedies and living here is a nightmare . So you wish upon a shooting star that they come back but they never do .
Forgetting sometimes hurts more than leaving .
In our memories it never ends we just stay there wishing dreaming and laughing forever.
Science talks about the concept of Muscle
memory. Our muscles always remember moments. Your arms will always bend when you see them , your right eye will twitch when they are near and your lips will always mould themselves to say i love you. You will extend your right hand but there will not be a hand to hold yours. So you will keep waving it mid air suspended like half fulfilled promises. All of this is a signal that our bodies were designed to save and store things and when you try to forget something you are distrupting the equilibrium .
Maybe its the universe screaming that staying will hurt but so will forgetting .
A bug collides with your car window
And I wonder if the bug is like me
Ready to die for a chance to stare
Ready to die, if only you’d care
I find myself holding my breath
Stealing glances of your gaze
I find myself counting to ten
Each time you turn your face
I carry an extra pen
I carry an umbrella everyday
I carry an extra bottle
I carry my heart in my hand
Hoping to find your gaze
Tell me, if it all came falling
Would you wonder how I am doing
Tell me, if the world was ending Would you ask me how I am doing!
Why cant i fly away
with these winds,
like those hummingbirds
and just disappear into the horizon
and land in a new world
where it rains most of the time,
where light and hope doesn’t
come in intangible fragments.
where happiness is not
scarce like kindness in the world
Where I feel alive, where I can breathe openly.
Sometimes when two people are together for a long time, they might decide to get each other’s names inked on their bodies. Isn’t it weird that, that ink will be nothing but a bunch of meaningless letters if their connection isn’t genuine?
If they suddenly decide to split up in the unforeseen future, that ink will be nothing but a painful memory. A memory about someone who they used to love unconditionally, someone they wanted to build a home with.
What is one supposed to do if their dreams burned right in front of them and the contingent scar was so deep that it might just never fade away?
It is a known fact that we all carry our emotional baggage, but are you also carrying someone else’s name inked on your soul?
Love is an intense feeling. You can not stop loving someone, just because you cannot be together or because they left. Love isn’t a promise nor an agreement, it doesn’t come with a warranty card or an enquiry desk.
Loving someone is like two edged knife, it’s pain disguised as pleasure and the other way around. Some people will come into your life to tear you apart and some will put you back together way too beautifully. One day you’re gonna wake up next to your loved one and you’ll know that they’ll be there even if you close your eyes. It’ll all make sense then. Wait for it.
You’ll never know when is the last time someone walks in or walks out. So have faith in your love and breathe.
There is no earthly language that could sufficiently capture how I hold you still in my heart, but to put it quite simply, you are to my soul what sunlight is to the surface of the moon. No length of time or distance can sever me from this truth. Among all the hidden treasures of the world there are none I find so fine or lovely as you.
I wonder if I’d have shouted my love for you from the rooftops, maybe the birds would have heard me, maybe they would’ve echoed it to the stars.
The stars would then share my love for you with the moon and the moon would undoubtedly pour my heart out to God. And maybe, maybe then in God’s voice you would have understood how much I love you. There aren’t enough letters in each alphabet of every language to explain how I feel about your existence. To explain how I feel about you.
I did not know
how to love myself
and love you
at the same time
I could either give it all
If I split it down
we were both left
with too little.
And I have never
The problem with
Being in love
Is that you have no clue
How to love somebody
Without replacing your entire
Self worth on them.
If they love you,
You love you.
If they leave,
Your self esteem
Goes with them.
Feel the feelings,
The ones you can’t explain,
The ones where you know what you know,
But you don’t know why or how.
Feelings that have no words.
The ones not found in any dictionary and any language.
The ones that often whisper lies to you.
The ones impossible to ignore.
Hope is a song i wrote for you,
now i’m stripping it off lyric by lyric.
Misery is a nothing-town sleeping
over the grave of heartbreaks.
i’m that grave.
Falling for someone is standing
on the edge
and dancing with the devil.
whoever falls first, wins.
My feet are bleeding.
I lost, like I always do.
Staying back is like winning
a lottery, but
only when they want you to stay.
you don’t want me to, do you?
Asking you to stay is like
keeping my heart in a blender
and handing it over to you.
Rest is our history, shattered.
i won’t disappoint.
s(t)ay, i am a fool.
s(t)ay, you love me.
s(t)ay, we will survive.
s(t)ay, you want us to work.
s(t)ay, i’m hopeless.
s(t)ay, it’s me who needs to leave.
My thoughts very often sprint in circles. Always falling back to the place they began from.
All triggered at the
slightest touch of reality
and imagination both.
What was that you last said?
I keep trying to recall for
your first goodbye wasn’t our last.
You come and go.
You come and go.
Tell me if there’s an end to this,
I’d want to try that because
this feels as if you holding
a knife right in front my chest.
Tell me what does it do.
Tell me why do you this.
Wondering is a part of our being.
And our being is another
wonder to the nature.
I think and think and think hard
and harder because
circles have no corners
or edges to press pause for a while.
They keep running and the
wondering never stops.
As though it were you.
I can’t think anymore.
Maybe because you came into my life when I least expected a miracle to happen to me to save me from my own chaos, or maybe because you came with a torch in my life full of darkness, or maybe because you never left my side even when many already did, or maybe because of your gentle care that you always give me, or maybe because you’re the only person who understands my mood just by listening to my tone of speech, or maybe.. maybe l don’t know that why you’re so special to me because you’re itself a special, too much precious person to me and even a lifetime won’t be enough for me to describe your worth, and how stupendously special you are to me.
At the end of a long day, I think about you again. You’ve become a habit now, the most pronounced sound in my almighty wretchedness. In this room of ephemeral solitude, we sit and listen to each other silence. No words are spoken here. Like always.
Time stands still and starts evaporating. I’m told a wise man once said nothing. I understand the beauty in his existence. And that in ours. We fall prey to the quietness inside us, a tranquil passage to what we can but might never be.
There is poetry in the way we love. I move my lips on your fragility, every murmur an earthquake. Your breath falls soundlessly on my skin, the night watching us become stories, hiding us away in between the pages of these years.
What more can we ever share, now that we’ve shared a silence?
I have always loved the darkness of nights.
I am not a morning person.
I would instead lay on the roof, star gazing and playing a favourite piece of music than basking in the morning sun.
I love nights, for it restores numbed zones of feeling and recharges desire.
In all the magnanimity of thoughts, it makes me wonder how the roads are easily lost.
I love nights, for the endless conversations I have had with my loved ones and also for the heartwrenching sobs.
Along with the fading of night, I think of more such things as to how the clouds snatched his sun
Until next night.
Do people always fall in love with the things they can’t have?
There’re nights when I keep rolling on and over the bed. Sleep doesn’t hit me easily. Whatever life that’s left within me, feels barely alive.
My blanket feels heavier than usual.
I scroll through the feed and every face reminds me of your smile, every text reminds me of your voice. “Forget and move on,” they say. How can we move on from someone who became a reason to live for? I try to keep my mind occupied. Books, TV, music or at the least emptiness, everything asks me to run up to to you and tell you that I miss you.
I sometimes wonder, if the one you share your morning coffee with knows the amount of sugar you want in it? If he knows you like toasts with jam and not butter? If he knows your favourite show is Tom n’ Jerry? And if he knows to love me like you?
I want to laugh, I don’t know-how. I want to cry, I don’t know why. The heart doesn’t want to forget you, the mind doesn’t know to forget you. And it’s me, dying every day, slowly like a candle, melting away.
People always want the things they know they can’t possess. Love is a strange emotion. It’s the reason to live for and then it’s the reason to die for.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
John Green in all his sparkling brilliance said, “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”
Maybe, he felt it, maybe, he lived it, maybe, he scribbled it for the sake of darting his readers core once again with his ink of sweet torture.
I do not know, I do not want to know. We’ve had our fair share of love and heartbreaks. But trust me, it doesn’t hurt anymore. For very obvious reasons, you choose a person to own the bigger share of your heart without expecting anything in return. Whether he preserves it, caresses it or moulds it into a trash can, you still keep your lesser half inside the can. The memories won’t haunt you. Rather, they would become a much sweeter version of nightmares which you’d want to live everyday. And everytime it’d sting, you’d smile.
You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky enough to meet someone who showed you that there were souls within this universe that felt as deeply, and cared as feverishly, as you did.
You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky because you met someone who, for a moment in time, was able to squeeze all of your broken pieces back together. You got lucky. Lucky enough to meet someone who plucked anxiety out of your chest like splinters, who poured calm into the parts of you that no one else clapped for.
No, you did not lose — you got lucky. You got lucky because time did not choose to separate you. You got lucky. Lucky enough to have found them, to have experienced them, to have been given the opportunity to love them the way you loved them.
But sometimes, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like hurricanes — making us question if we feel too deeply, if we are simply too much to hold. The hardest lesson you will ever have to learn is that this too is a gift. To have been loved in halves is to have been loved by someone who taught you how to walk away. How to choose yourself for once, how to stand up for your worth. At the end of the day, they may not have loved you, but they did teach you how to survive the wreckage, how to endure the storm, and how to rebuild.
It’s not the moon that I miss.
It’s the idea of something radiating,
That makes the darkness a less darker.
You will never be unloved by me.
You are too well tangled in my soul.”
Recently I watched this movie Before We Go and I loved it indeed. Outstanding performance of Alice Eve and Chris Evans witnessing a number of adventures together. Not only did they came close in the process but also got to know a number of things about themselves which helped them make some life changing decisions.
Here are a few power-packed lines from the movie which I genuinely loved-
Nick – “God. Why is it that any one decision always seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life.”
Brooke – “I don’t know but sometimes you have to just make the choice and jump.”
“This is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.”
Brooke – “It’s possible, isn’t it? It’s possible that you could meet somebody who’s perfect for you even though you’re committed to somebody else.”
Nick – “No, no, see, I think if you’re committed to somebody, you don’t allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.”
Nick – “And at the end of the night, you’re gonna want to say some things, but don’t. Don’t ruin it. It’s nothing she doesn’t already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh… thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life.”
It is quite strange how one day some one just stops loving you all of a sudden. They decide never to be in touch with you and never coming back to you. All of a sudden all you have is despair and a cloud of sadness enveloping you. This hits straight like a sting and fucks up your entire being. Your soul is filled with remorse as you know you couldn’t keep them with you.
When you feel some one no longer loves you , you live in denial. You lie to yourself that may be they will be back with you and their memories haunt you and make you sick. May be you never thought you would witness a day where every beat of your heat would make you aware of your loneliness. But you have to let them go. No matter how bad you want to be with them. Life will go on and I hope you never blame yourself for it. When someone stops loving you, they lose a person who would give them every ounce of their existence and you lose someone who may be never deserved you in the first place. It surely aches but one day you will feel better.
Is it true that time is the best healer? If it is so, how long does it take to heal our wounds; two months, one year, two years, five years? Is time alone enough for our grief to subside? I don’t think so and here is the reason why.
When I lost my mother, it was difficult to keep myself “under control,” and so I kept myself frantically busy. I would devote all my time to work and exhaust myself until late at night and spend hours doing whatever I could to distract myself from acknowledging what I already knew in order to run away from my grief. But I could never understand that one of the biggest myths about pain and grief is that Time is the best healer which is never true. Time does not heal anything, the pain remains there always, you eventually somehow get used to it and start living with the pain.
Personally, I don’t think time heals at all. Time may make things seem less important than they once were. With enough time, we experience more and more of life’s ups and downs, and that serves to give us more perspective. I think it would be better to say that Time makes us numb, or that Time lets us forget.
The pain is always there, buried deep inside which undergoes a metamorphosis into bitterness or stays just like some hardness and makes us a little more cynical.
Believe it or not, it is true that no one stays in your life forever. Just like nothing lasts forever, in a similar fashion; no one is bound to stay in your life always. So, when someone says they will love you forever, can you trust them?
Nothing lasts forever, so why should love be an exception? Everything gradually gets crushed. It all gets broken. It all passes with time. Only the moment you’re in carries some meaning. Somethings stand the test of time just like the things that last. Like love.
Love can easily be compared to fire on a rainy day. You certainly have to devote your time protecting it, feeding it, tending it because if you do not cater to it, it eventually goes out of your way. Good times and good things are not meant to last. You tend to feel miserable because you know you have put in your energy as well as time but the net result is a big ZERO. One day you have the summer sun and the next winter storms. But that is how it is supposed to be!
This is the tragedy and miracle of existence – that everything is so temporary. The only thing that’s permanent is change. So next when you hear someone saying that they are with you forever, don’t trust them. They can be in your hearts and memories forever but physically they may or may not be with you. Life is a collection of moments, moments that form the necklace of life and to complete the circle, it is always important to end a chapter.
It is always important to maintain a positive attitude in life. But it is also true that life is not always perfect. It is impossible to live your life always in a positive state of mind. Everywhere we look we are continuously being told to be happy and also that we have the ability to manifest our perfect life. Being positive can be exhausting and sometimes, depressing. We can’t simply begin to live a life devoid of any sadness or negative emotions.
When life takes a downward lane, it is normal to blame ourselves. But you should remember to avoid blatant negativity. Just like nature has to go through the darkness of winter in order to experience the rebirth of spring, in a similar fashion, life’s hard times must be lived. The storms of life teach us a lot.
We tend to evaluate and judge our feelings, and those which make us uncomfortable, we term them as bad. We then naturally try all possible means to avoid these negative feelings. The skill of converting negative feelings into positive action is a healthy skill to develop. However, the overuse of it may help avoid feelings which may later manifest themselves as anxiety, depression or you can also term it as the overall discontentment with our life. So it is really important to learn how to process negative emotions. No matter what, just remember it is a phase which will eventually pass. You are having a bad day not a bad life. And that is perfectly fine!
Understand that you have a choice – Whenever you feel that your past is haunting you, generally it is owing to some intrusive thoughts. These intrusions can be regret, anger, hatred or sadness. Negative thoughts make us cling to past memories simply to weaken us.
Know the reason for holding on – Sticking to your past can actually be good. If someone did you wrong, it is genuine to hate them but in reality we would be the ones suffering. We cling to the past because we find comfort in something which is familiar. If you are happy to hold on it is only because it is consistent. Realize that you have a beautiful life waiting for you.
Focus on the present – It is important to know your existence, pause and look around you. You can use this strategy at all times, when ever you feel like your thoughts are overpowering you.
Free yourself from all the reminders – Anything which forces you to think of your past needs to go. Do not keep these reminders. Study your space and make a wise decision.
Opt for something productive – It is essential that you take some negative feeling and then convert it into some positive action. In case you feel angry, it is essential that you channel that energy into somewhere productive. If you are feeling sad, lift someone else up. No matter what it is important to keep moving!
When it comes to feelings, you may believe certain feelings are bad and some good. Remember that there are no good or bad feelings. We are emotional and have a broad range of feelings, which truly have a purpose. Feelings ought to be expressed or else suppressed emotions at times manifest themselves in quite an improper manner.
If there was only happiness, it would eventually lose its luster over time. So it is important to experience sadness and unhappiness as well so as to truly appreciate the beauty of it all. Without being aware of the dark sadness we would not be able to appreciate the light of happiness.
Feelings too have a life cycle. They take birth, bloom, they peak and then die off. But that is how it is. The sooner you accept it, the better. Even in couples, after a disagreement, there will be resentment and anger which is not expressed. If the underlying feelings remain unexpressed, it generally leads to a disproportionate disconnect. All the unexpressed feelings will eventually explode.
It is important that we allow ourselves to fully engage with our feelings. Even if you feel sad, challenge yourself to stay compassionate which will help you to widen your emotional bandwidth and normalize feelings like sadness, despair or anger.
It is very important to embrace your feelings. Close your eyes and let your emotions consume you, cover you like a blanket, warm you from the inside out. After all, it’s absolutely okay to feel your feelings.
Generally it is not about the romantic way you meet someone. It’s basically about your compatibility, gestures and adoration. When it comes down to one thing to sustain love, it’s definitely choice. When you choose to love someone, it’s your decision. Every second, you put some effort to nurture that love and this gets us in trouble. I feel its wrong to say that love is something which happens to us. It’s something we make happen.
Love is an action, a pure choice, a commitment. The most beautiful thing about love is that you know that you are chosen by the person you chose. Love needs sacrifice and it won’t always be easy. But it is most beautiful when reciprocated. When you love someone you have something which is so profound. You have a home in that person, where you can be your own self, somewhere you can rest without being judged.
You will have some one who sees you truly and loves you forever. You don’t choose the one you will be attracted to, but you choose the one with whom you will stay in love with. Feelings are fleeting, it is a fickle thing. How you are feeling today will not resonate with the way you feel tomorrow. But real love is constant, it’s tangible. And when life becomes too unbearable, it’s love that gives us the strength. Feelings do not play any role here. When life throws us a curve ball, it’s in love where you will get the much-needed stability. You can’t just abandon love specially when its hard.
Love isn’t really a feeling, nor is it a state of euphoria. It’s hard work which needs constant compromise. Feelings can flicker, it can come and go. But real love? It stays and goes on forever!
“Ishq kiya dil o jaan se bhi zada tumhe,
Nahi andaaza tha tum sirf dard ban k reh jaoge.
Krte na ye khata fir hum,
agar pta hota k tum is pyar ko kabhi smjh hi na paoge. ”