Posted in In A Nut Shell

Some Tragedies….

Some tragedies don’t look like tragedies, some tragedies look like regular everyday stuff, you know, like laughter at the dinner table right after washing your tears off in the washroom, like going to work everyday and breaking down every night, like birthday parties at broken homes, like crumbling governments celebrating national holidays, some tragedies look normal, like the boy at school who falls asleep in the class because the classroom noise isn’t anywhere close to the fight between his parents, some tragedies look soft, like hating your body but shopping for expensive clothes, some tragedies look kind, like trying to help too many people because no one helps you, some tragedies look fierce, like having control issues because no one at home let you do what you wanted to, some tragedies look pretty, like six figure salaries but no time for dinner, some tragedies look calm, like the smiling salesman at the mall missing his mother all the time, some tragedies don’t look like tragedies.. They look like you, smiling, existing.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Staying will Hurt but so will Forgetting!

Its the hardest thing in the world to know everything about a person and then trying to forget it. All the vivid details. How they eat an egg roll with great interest. How they want a sookha golgappa with only dahi at the end. How they only liked their chai when head bursts with work. Random stories and tales they once told you .Why they think chapp is one of the best things to have and how green chillies are the worst when they come in the mouth. What makes them smile and how certain memories show up as ghosts in the graveyards of their eyes . Why love for them happens everyday is difficult to understand . 


It’s like living in their universe and realising they are the sun. 
There is a void between remembering and forgetting and all of us just hang there .You keep waiting that someday this wouldn’t hurt anymore and maybe they will come back. It’s a thing we human do fantasize Because reality is a cesspool of tragedies and living here is a nightmare . So you wish upon a shooting star that they come back but they never do .

 Forgetting sometimes hurts more than leaving . 
In our memories it never ends we just stay there wishing dreaming and laughing forever. 
Science talks about the concept of Muscle 
memory. Our muscles always remember moments. Your arms will always bend when you see them , your right eye will twitch when they are near and your lips will always mould themselves to say i love you. You will extend your right hand but there will not be a hand to hold yours. So you will keep waving it mid air suspended like half fulfilled promises. All of this is a signal that our bodies were designed to save and store things and when you try to forget something you are distrupting the equilibrium . 
Maybe its the universe screaming that staying will hurt but so will forgetting .

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Heartbreak’s Sound

What does a heartbreak sound like?
Your heart is sensitive,
Isn’t it?
Does it cry loud
When broken into pieces?
Does it experience
Multiple feelings at the same time?
Does it also feel empty and heavy
At some point of time?
Yes it does.

Is it less than a sign of a heartbreak?
Is it not what sad poetry sounds like?
Yet you ask me,
What does a heartbreak feel like so
Let me tell you,

Emotions run down your spine,
Making the time go slow,
The day and the night
Are of the same length,
Old days, old memories
Get on your nerves
Sticking to your heart and soul
Just like a permanent tattoo.

The hurricane of winds
Paves their way through the
Polluted atmosphere
Making your mind think
Of your mistakes.
It sounds like the dusty book
That is willing to get cleaned
Once again.
It’s like the dew drops
Waiting for an aura of petrichor.

Neither does it cry aloud
Nor does it stay silent.
It tells you variety of poetries
By bleeding chronicles
Of agony and distress.
It narrates the story of those dried flowers
Of the spring that urge you
To water them with purity
So that they can bloom
In the garden of love.
It’s like those unfinished tales
Waiting to complete itself.

A broken heart just resembles
The dark sky with meteors
Wanting to shine bright again
And shower the rains of happiness
Again in your life.
It feels that the sun has sunk
Forever leaving our soul in
The pool of darkness all alone.
And yes,
Let me tell you,
It sounds like the heart is
Lifeless and is craving
For its life again.

Ask those who have experienced
A heartbreak by trusting others,
By putting their heart and soul on stake
They are still trying to get out of the formidable hurdles,
Candles of love and hope
Light in their heart
They’re just bearing the pain
Without uttering a single word.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

As You Like It!

Take your time to rest. The world has put too much on your plate. You don’t have to eat everything. Remember what you don’t like. Remember what hurts your stomach. Remember what you are allergic to. Remember what isn’t good for your heart. Hold this knowledge close, think, reflect, savour and choose to let go when your heart is full.

Be silent for your own sake. You have already taken responsibility for too many wars. Your skin is chipping away to someone else’s ruin. Save it for the rest of your world.

The world has put too much on your plate, you don’t have to deal with it all at once.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Are We Parallel Lines?

Craving for some fresh air can come anytime
And my sleep cycle is anyway messed up enough
Getting out of my house
Walking on the road, just drenched in the rain
It’s a good weather maybe
Maybe it’s the way of nature having her own breakdown
These maybes are killing me right now
The n number of possibilities running in my mind
In the Hustle bustle of my own
I hit the vacuum or maybe some whitespace of absolute nothingness
As I look down the road…
“Are we parallel lines?”
Meeting at no point?
Just like some railway track
But walking by each other’s sides
With the same passion and love
Now all of a sudden all I want is this road to merge
And this becomes my greatest urge
Cause for me it’s no more just roads or railway tracks
It’s You and I
It’s this fixed distance between us tearing me apart
I’m fighting in my head to merge or mold to make these roads concile in a single line
Seems like sleep is not the only thing I’m lacking today, its air too

Pretty glad about this soothing breeze
I was not really great at maths
But I remember coincident lines are parallel too
Just with all the points similar
Which again feels hard to attain
But I am not gonna get this single hope in vain
Or should I wait to meet at infinity?

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Whom Are You Running From?


I brushed my teeth
twice
before I realised;
it was impossible to
get rid of the
taste of guilt.

I gulped down
two
glasses of water
before I realised;
you cannot wash
down regret.

I tried to breathe
inhale
hold
exhale
repeat
before I realised;
I was the one
burning.

I had a white toast
to calm my
churning stomach
before I realised;
you can only watch storms.
Watch as they ruin
homes, and lives, and everything.
everything they touch.

I shut my ears
listened to music
before I realised;
the thunder of my thoughts
was louder than
all the songs merged into one.

I tried to close my eyes
and escape,
before I realised;
you can’t escape
from each and everything.

There are some situations where you have to accept the truth. Whom do you run to
when you’re running
from yourself?

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

Would You?

A bug collides with your car window
And I wonder if the bug is like me
Ready to die for a chance to stare
Ready to die, if only you’d care
I find myself holding my breath
Stealing glances of your gaze
I find myself counting to ten
Each time you turn your face
I carry an extra pen
I carry an umbrella everyday
I carry an extra bottle
I carry my heart in my hand
Hoping to find your gaze
Tell me, if it all came falling
Would you wonder how I am doing
Tell me, if the world was ending Would you ask me how I am doing!

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

Firefly Lost in Woods

Why cant i fly away
with these winds,
like those hummingbirds
and just disappear into the horizon
and land in a new world
where it rains most of the time,
where light and hope doesn’t
come in intangible fragments.
where happiness is not
scarce like kindness in the world

Where I feel alive, where I can breathe openly.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Inked…

Sometimes when two people are together for a long time, they might decide to get each other’s names inked on their bodies. Isn’t it weird that, that ink will be nothing but a bunch of meaningless letters if their connection isn’t genuine?
If they suddenly decide to split up in the unforeseen future, that ink will be nothing but a painful memory. A memory about someone who they used to love unconditionally, someone they wanted to build a home with.

What is one supposed to do if their dreams burned right in front of them and the contingent scar was so deep that it might just never fade away?

It is a known fact that we all carry our emotional baggage, but are you also carrying someone else’s name inked on your soul?

ShadesofLife

Posted in Life Lessons

Love is Complicating…

Love is an intense feeling. You can not stop loving someone, just because you cannot be together or because they left. Love isn’t a promise nor an agreement, it doesn’t come with a warranty card or an enquiry desk.
Loving someone is like two edged knife, it’s pain disguised as pleasure and the other way around. Some people will come into your life to tear you apart and some will put you back together way too beautifully. One day you’re gonna wake up next to your loved one and you’ll know that they’ll be there even if you close your eyes. It’ll all make sense then. Wait for it.

You’ll never know when is the last time someone walks in or walks out. So have faith in your love and breathe.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

Feel the Feelings!

Feel the feelings,

The ones you can’t explain,

The ones where you know what you know,

But you don’t know why or how.

Feelings that have no words.

The ones not found in any dictionary and any language.

The ones that often whisper lies to you.

The ones impossible to ignore.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Life Lessons

Ending…

Hope is a song i wrote for you,
now i’m stripping it off lyric by lyric.

Misery is a nothing-town sleeping
over the grave of heartbreaks.
you’re misery.
i’m that grave.

Falling for someone is standing
on the edge
and dancing with the devil.
whoever falls first, wins.
My feet are bleeding.
I lost, like I always do.

Staying back is like winning
a lottery, but
only when they want you to stay.
you don’t want me to, do you?

Asking you to stay is like
keeping my heart in a blender
and handing it over to you.
Rest is our history, shattered.

But look,
i won’t disappoint.
s(t)ay, i am a fool.
s(t)ay, you love me.
s(t)ay, we will survive.
s(t)ay, you want us to work.
s(t)ay, i’m hopeless.
s(t)ay, it’s me who needs to leave.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

You have Become a Habit!

At the end of a long day, I think about you again. You’ve become a habit now, the most pronounced sound in my almighty wretchedness. In this room of ephemeral solitude, we sit and listen to each other silence. No words are spoken here. Like always.

Time stands still and starts evaporating. I’m told a wise man once said nothing. I understand the beauty in his existence. And that in ours. We fall prey to the quietness inside us, a tranquil passage to what we can but might never be.

There is poetry in the way we love. I move my lips on your fragility, every murmur an earthquake. Your breath falls soundlessly on my skin, the night watching us become stories, hiding us away in between the pages of these years.

What more can we ever share, now that we’ve shared a silence?

ShadesofLife

Posted in Shades of Life

Nights…

I have always loved the darkness of nights.
I am not a morning person.
I would instead lay on the roof, star gazing and playing a favourite piece of music than basking in the morning sun.
I love nights, for it restores numbed zones of feeling and recharges desire.
In all the magnanimity of thoughts, it makes me wonder how the roads are easily lost.
I love nights, for the endless conversations I have had with my loved ones and also for the heartwrenching sobs.
Along with the fading of night, I think of more such things as to how the clouds snatched his sun
from him.
Asleep,
Until next night.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Idiosyncrasies

Funny Memory

Memory is a strange thing if you ask me. How many times I’ve entered a room and found myself staring at the wall, not knowing what I came there for.


They say that warning sirens ring just moment before we drown. But you see I’m like Titanic that took 180 minutes to drown. And I’ve been drowning for the past numerous days. Ask a lover and you’ll know that memory is a strange thing. And whenever I’ve tried to let you in it you’ve always clawed your way out and resisted to get back in.


It’s been days since I felt any kind of moisture in my eyes. They say when the heart becomes heavey our eyes let the pain out. But maybe that’s the problem I don’t wanna let it out, none of it. Maybe the pain is a part of loving you. And maybe that’s why no matter how far I go, I’ll always return to this feeling of your presence. Somewhere, deep in me where I’ll sit and let all the memories dissolve into me.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Forever Love ❤️

Do people always fall in love with the things they can’t have?

Always!

There’re nights when I keep rolling on and over the bed. Sleep doesn’t hit me easily. Whatever life that’s left within me, feels barely alive.
My blanket feels heavier than usual.
I scroll through the feed and every face reminds me of your smile, every text reminds me of your voice. “Forget and move on,” they say. How can we move on from someone who became a reason to live for? I try to keep my mind occupied. Books, TV, music or at the least emptiness, everything asks me to run up to to you and tell you that I miss you.

I sometimes wonder, if the one you share your morning coffee with knows the amount of sugar you want in it? If he knows you like toasts with jam and not butter? If he knows your favourite show is Tom n’ Jerry? And if he knows to love me like you?

I want to laugh, I don’t know-how. I want to cry, I don’t know why. The heart doesn’t want to forget you, the mind doesn’t know to forget you. And it’s me, dying every day, slowly like a candle, melting away.

People always want the things they know they can’t possess. Love is a strange emotion. It’s the reason to live for and then it’s the reason to die for.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

In Some Parallel Universe…

And in some parallel universe
He is mine for the rest of our lives.

And in some parallel universe,
Every morning I get to see his face before I see the sun.

And in some parallel universe,
He calls my name and wakes me up.


And in some parallel universe,
I come home at night all jaded only for him to make every pain fade away with just a smile.

In some parallel universe, I’m dying a happy death as he holds my hand and puts his head on my shoulder, while I breathe and kiss him for one last time.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

I Like my Choices❤️

John Green in all his sparkling brilliance said, “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”

Maybe, he felt it, maybe, he lived it, maybe, he scribbled it for the sake of darting his readers core once again with his ink of sweet torture.

I do not know, I do not want to know. We’ve had our fair share of love and heartbreaks. But trust me, it doesn’t hurt anymore. For very obvious reasons, you choose a person to own the bigger share of your heart without expecting anything in return. Whether he preserves it, caresses it or moulds it into a trash can, you still keep your lesser half inside the can. The memories won’t haunt you. Rather, they would become a much sweeter version of nightmares which you’d want to live everyday. And everytime it’d sting, you’d smile.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

You Got Lucky!

You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky enough to meet someone who showed you that there were souls within this universe that felt as deeply, and cared as feverishly, as you did.

You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky because you met someone who, for a moment in time, was able to squeeze all of your broken pieces back together. You got lucky. Lucky enough to meet someone who plucked anxiety out of your chest like splinters, who poured calm into the parts of you that no one else clapped for.

No, you did not lose — you got lucky. You got lucky because time did not choose to separate you. You got lucky. Lucky enough to have found them, to have experienced them, to have been given the opportunity to love them the way you loved them.

But sometimes, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like hurricanes — making us question if we feel too deeply, if we are simply too much to hold. The hardest lesson you will ever have to learn is that this too is a gift. To have been loved in halves is to have been loved by someone who taught you how to walk away. How to choose yourself for once, how to stand up for your worth. At the end of the day, they may not have loved you, but they did teach you how to survive the wreckage, how to endure the storm, and how to rebuild.

ShadesofLife

Posted in Idiosyncrasies

March On!

Make your pain your motivation. Make your shame your life changing resolve.
The world is not fair and you may feel harassed, demotivated and let down. The more you feel demotivated, the more the cycle of depression will strengthen. Do not.

Do not feel demotivated. Remember your purpose. Understand your position. Chalk a change path that helps you reach back to shape, form and energy. March on till your detractors become your supporters. March on till your most vocal critics bet the next impossible on you. March on.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Unsaid Words Hurt The Most..

Love is painful and frightening. It makes you judge yourself and distance yourself from other people in your life. It makes you selfish, creepy and cruel. It makes you do things you never thought you would ever do.

Love is not something that weak people do. In fact, it needs a lot of courage and hope. Same is the case when you part with the one you love the mostest.

I was always bad at saying goodbyes. It’s like you are at the edge of the cliff and you have to jump. The worst part is making the choice to do it and once you are in the air, you can do nothing but let go.

ShadesofLife

Posted in The Untold Story

Can We Still be Friends?

One-sided love is one of the worst things that can happen. After confessing your feelings and getting a negative response from the other side, is it possible to stay as friends? Still being friends is a statement that destroys you over and over again. The question is can you still stay as friends after you have loved someone immensely?

He said we can still be friends but what I don’t understand is how can I look at him when someone else is holding his hand? I can hear my own heart sting with pain shattering into a million pieces so loudly that it deafens me, then how can I look at him when he is walking hand in hand with someone else. How can we still be friends when I have to hide my tears when he talks of her?

I guess he meant we can stay as strangers with distant memories that we don’t remember unless we see them in old pictures. But the fact is we simply can’t be friends when your voice hurts me and it reminds me of all those times we spent together. How can you look at someone you love while that person loves somebody else? Friends don’t look at each other wishing they were something more.

ShadesofLife