Some tragedies don’t look like tragedies, some tragedies look like regular everyday stuff, you know, like laughter at the dinner table right after washing your tears off in the washroom, like going to work everyday and breaking down every night, like birthday parties at broken homes, like crumbling governments celebrating national holidays, some tragedies look normal, like the boy at school who falls asleep in the class because the classroom noise isn’t anywhere close to the fight between his parents, some tragedies look soft, like hating your body but shopping for expensive clothes, some tragedies look kind, like trying to help too many people because no one helps you, some tragedies look fierce, like having control issues because no one at home let you do what you wanted to, some tragedies look pretty, like six figure salaries but no time for dinner, some tragedies look calm, like the smiling salesman at the mall missing his mother all the time, some tragedies don’t look like tragedies.. They look like you, smiling, existing.
Its the hardest thing in the world to know everything about a person and then trying to forget it. All the vivid details. How they eat an egg roll with great interest. How they want a sookha golgappa with only dahi at the end. How they only liked their chai when head bursts with work. Random stories and tales they once told you .Why they think chapp is one of the best things to have and how green chillies are the worst when they come in the mouth. What makes them smile and how certain memories show up as ghosts in the graveyards of their eyes . Why love for them happens everyday is difficult to understand .
It’s like living in their universe and realising they are the sun.
There is a void between remembering and forgetting and all of us just hang there .You keep waiting that someday this wouldn’t hurt anymore and maybe they will come back. It’s a thing we human do fantasize Because reality is a cesspool of tragedies and living here is a nightmare . So you wish upon a shooting star that they come back but they never do .
Forgetting sometimes hurts more than leaving .
In our memories it never ends we just stay there wishing dreaming and laughing forever.
Science talks about the concept of Muscle
memory. Our muscles always remember moments. Your arms will always bend when you see them , your right eye will twitch when they are near and your lips will always mould themselves to say i love you. You will extend your right hand but there will not be a hand to hold yours. So you will keep waving it mid air suspended like half fulfilled promises. All of this is a signal that our bodies were designed to save and store things and when you try to forget something you are distrupting the equilibrium .
Maybe its the universe screaming that staying will hurt but so will forgetting .
What does a heartbreak sound like?
Your heart is sensitive,
Does it cry loud
When broken into pieces?
Does it experience
Multiple feelings at the same time?
Does it also feel empty and heavy
At some point of time?
Yes it does.
Is it less than a sign of a heartbreak?
Is it not what sad poetry sounds like?
Yet you ask me,
What does a heartbreak feel like so
Let me tell you,
Emotions run down your spine,
Making the time go slow,
The day and the night
Are of the same length,
Old days, old memories
Get on your nerves
Sticking to your heart and soul
Just like a permanent tattoo.
The hurricane of winds
Paves their way through the
Making your mind think
Of your mistakes.
It sounds like the dusty book
That is willing to get cleaned
It’s like the dew drops
Waiting for an aura of petrichor.
Neither does it cry aloud
Nor does it stay silent.
It tells you variety of poetries
By bleeding chronicles
Of agony and distress.
It narrates the story of those dried flowers
Of the spring that urge you
To water them with purity
So that they can bloom
In the garden of love.
It’s like those unfinished tales
Waiting to complete itself.
A broken heart just resembles
The dark sky with meteors
Wanting to shine bright again
And shower the rains of happiness
Again in your life.
It feels that the sun has sunk
Forever leaving our soul in
The pool of darkness all alone.
Let me tell you,
It sounds like the heart is
Lifeless and is craving
For its life again.
Ask those who have experienced
A heartbreak by trusting others,
By putting their heart and soul on stake
They are still trying to get out of the formidable hurdles,
Candles of love and hope
Light in their heart
They’re just bearing the pain
Without uttering a single word.
The thing about pain is it’s never beautiful. You find yourself wallowing in a puddle of bitterness. So, you don’t
repulse the next time you sip that sugarless coffee. Or when you drag that unfiltered hand-rolled cigar.
The unsavoury doesn’t concern
you anymore. Because it runs in
your veins like blood.
You don’t cry nostalgically for happiness, because you have never been to its place. You crinkle like a paper
in a fist and cry quietly, but not for yourself; for the blue sky, so breathtaking yet sad, like poetry.
You drink poison hoping to die, but instead, it finds an abode inside you. There’s a flower in your garden that bleeds green; it pricks you and your red turns everything into yellow. You turn to art, thinking, it’ll rescue you from your malady. And that’s when you realise; art isn’t going to heal your scars, it’ll just make them more presentable.
We are not born to die! What are you talking about; do you think a book begins just to finish? Do you think a song opens with a beautiful chord just for it to end? You don’t read the book to finish it, you read the book to eat up the excitement and the emotions it evokes. To learn and to digest and to fall in love and be heartbroken. You listen to the song to dance and dance and sing your throat raw. To cry and smile and swell with the harmonies. Yes, we are born with the inevitable fate of death, we are mortal after all, but that is merely the finale of the play; the final act, the closing of the curtains. We are not born to take a bow and exit stage left; we are born to love and be joyous and yell and move and learn and cry and feel, feel, feel!
We are not born to die, silly, we’re born to live.
Take your time to rest. The world has put too much on your plate. You don’t have to eat everything. Remember what you don’t like. Remember what hurts your stomach. Remember what you are allergic to. Remember what isn’t good for your heart. Hold this knowledge close, think, reflect, savour and choose to let go when your heart is full.
Be silent for your own sake. You have already taken responsibility for too many wars. Your skin is chipping away to someone else’s ruin. Save it for the rest of your world.
The world has put too much on your plate, you don’t have to deal with it all at once.
Craving for some fresh air can come anytime
And my sleep cycle is anyway messed up enough
Getting out of my house
Walking on the road, just drenched in the rain
It’s a good weather maybe
Maybe it’s the way of nature having her own breakdown
These maybes are killing me right now
The n number of possibilities running in my mind
In the Hustle bustle of my own
I hit the vacuum or maybe some whitespace of absolute nothingness
As I look down the road…
“Are we parallel lines?”
Meeting at no point?
Just like some railway track
But walking by each other’s sides
With the same passion and love
Now all of a sudden all I want is this road to merge
And this becomes my greatest urge
Cause for me it’s no more just roads or railway tracks
It’s You and I
It’s this fixed distance between us tearing me apart
I’m fighting in my head to merge or mold to make these roads concile in a single line
Seems like sleep is not the only thing I’m lacking today, its air too
Pretty glad about this soothing breeze
I was not really great at maths
But I remember coincident lines are parallel too
Just with all the points similar
Which again feels hard to attain
But I am not gonna get this single hope in vain
Or should I wait to meet at infinity?
I brushed my teeth
before I realised;
it was impossible to
get rid of the
taste of guilt.
I gulped down
glasses of water
before I realised;
you cannot wash
I tried to breathe
before I realised;
I was the one
I had a white toast
to calm my
before I realised;
you can only watch storms.
Watch as they ruin
homes, and lives, and everything.
everything they touch.
I shut my ears
listened to music
before I realised;
the thunder of my thoughts
was louder than
all the songs merged into one.
I tried to close my eyes
before I realised;
you can’t escape
from each and everything.
There are some situations where you have to accept the truth. Whom do you run to
when you’re running
Today, I learnt an important lesson from my therapist.
At the end of our hour, she told me that although I’ve been hurt and broken badly, she can see I still have parts that aren’t shattered.
I laughed lightly and I said ‘Yeah, one day that will be all of me, no parts shattered anymore”, And she said ‘No, it won‘t.”
And, for a second, I felt my heart break but she continued. “But it will be the most dominant part of you. Think of your body if you break your shoulder, even after it heals it will be tender. It will be a sore spot. You will be careful with it. There will be a gentleness when you care for it. If you crack a rib, laughing will hurt and, even after there is no longer a fracture, you may laugh lighterjust in case. You can heal, but it is okay to be aware of the parts of you that once hurt the most. The most important thing to know is that where there is tenderness, let there be gentleness.”
While I was standing alone in the darkness, this lightened lamp caught my attention. I could see my faint shadow painted on a wall by the light of this lamp. As the stormy winds were playing with the flame, my shadow was trembling too.
I watched the little lamp fight with the darkness, betraying the strength of its own and also the depth of the darkness. The blowing breeze tilted the triumph towards darkness, and from the struggle of the shivering flame, I could see that the lamp would die any time soon. But surprisingly, the flame got its balance back. Perhaps it was the magic of firm determination of not giving up, and now the lamp stood still against the dark in this “looking impossible to win” battle. I was astonished by the toil, the little lamp had gone through without a dwindle and I surely was impressed with the arrogant behaviour the lamp showed towards the uncanny dark. But now I think, what choice did the lamp have?
Isn’t life like this sometimes? It drags us into the battle we don’t want to fight and leaves us no choice. We can’t run away no matter how tired we are because of this war. You don’t see victory near, but that can’t be the reason you give up. The only escape way, is through.
But does the battle make us stronger in the end? I don’t know. Perhaps, I’m still in between the war. But you remember the lamp, it shone the brightest when the darkness was at its peak.
Sharing is an essential part of letting go. It helps you to let your emotions flow, realise why you feel a certain way and be true to yourself.
I always thought that I should never let people see my vulnerabilities, so I never shared. But there has to be someone in front of whom you can cry your heart out, with whom you can share all that you want to.
So if there is something that’s been bothering you, talk to a friend in whom you trust or a therapist and
let it all out. Don’t let these unresolved issues and feelings make you anxious.
I am so tired of being strong. I’m so tired of saying that it’s okay every time someone treats me badly. I’m tired of being the bigger person and always making excuses for other people. I’m tired of constantly proving how much people mean to me when they won’t do the same.
It’s difficult, isn’t it? Having a big heart, and the ability to forgive so quickly and easily, being the one that always tries their very best to make others happy. And still getting hurt, getting taken for granted and being left behind as though you didn’t mean anything. That’s the thing about being a good person – you give yourself so many excuses to look out for others that you forget to look out for yourself.
And in the end, when they get everything that they wanted, and they start to walk away without looking back in your direction – you are the one who’s left with a hole in your chest where your heart should have been.
People are like stories.
Different kinds, different durations,
You think of some and smile.
You wish for some to always be with you.
You try to distance yourself from some.
And you try to keep some so close
that it blurs your vision.
Some feel real, others feel like a bubble blown by the sun at night.
Some hold your hand and make you feel alive,
others make you realize about
the part inside you that has
now been long dead.
You want to place the memory
of some in your wallet while
you regret meeting some.
Such is life!
Such are people!
A bug collides with your car window
And I wonder if the bug is like me
Ready to die for a chance to stare
Ready to die, if only you’d care
I find myself holding my breath
Stealing glances of your gaze
I find myself counting to ten
Each time you turn your face
I carry an extra pen
I carry an umbrella everyday
I carry an extra bottle
I carry my heart in my hand
Hoping to find your gaze
Tell me, if it all came falling
Would you wonder how I am doing
Tell me, if the world was ending Would you ask me how I am doing!
Why cant i fly away
with these winds,
like those hummingbirds
and just disappear into the horizon
and land in a new world
where it rains most of the time,
where light and hope doesn’t
come in intangible fragments.
where happiness is not
scarce like kindness in the world
Where I feel alive, where I can breathe openly.
Initially I used to wonder “Kyu Nahi ma, Saari duniya tere tarah.” This world is not much of a beautiful place as you think it is. You come to this world through one support and that’s your mother, who is your God, your creator, your lifeline. But what when your lifeline is no longer with you.
Well, since she has left life has changed drastically. My days don’t go well and my mind sometimes stays in a muddle. But you know what helps? I take out her picture, and put it aside me. I talk to her and it releases all the discomfort I face. At times I wonder what mothers are born with? A real magical power or a lap that has the purest love?
As children we always fail to understand your love but you are the only one who can love unconditionally. I guess, writers and philosophers still fail to describe mother’s love because you come in so many different shades. Wherever you are I wish you are in peace Mum. I miss you Amma is just a daily phrase now because no words can ever express how empty I feel without you.
Ending with just one line, “Kabhi ho Nahi sakti ma, Saari duniya teri tarah” .
You can try to put your
feelings & nightmares in a bottle
and throw it out in the ocean
and you hope that it goes away,
you hope that it never
comes back to you,
but it always comes back
and you know it,
it never goes away,
just like sunshine in the morning
it somehow manages
to come back everyday.
Sometimes when two people are together for a long time, they might decide to get each other’s names inked on their bodies. Isn’t it weird that, that ink will be nothing but a bunch of meaningless letters if their connection isn’t genuine?
If they suddenly decide to split up in the unforeseen future, that ink will be nothing but a painful memory. A memory about someone who they used to love unconditionally, someone they wanted to build a home with.
What is one supposed to do if their dreams burned right in front of them and the contingent scar was so deep that it might just never fade away?
It is a known fact that we all carry our emotional baggage, but are you also carrying someone else’s name inked on your soul?
Love is an intense feeling. You can not stop loving someone, just because you cannot be together or because they left. Love isn’t a promise nor an agreement, it doesn’t come with a warranty card or an enquiry desk.
Loving someone is like two edged knife, it’s pain disguised as pleasure and the other way around. Some people will come into your life to tear you apart and some will put you back together way too beautifully. One day you’re gonna wake up next to your loved one and you’ll know that they’ll be there even if you close your eyes. It’ll all make sense then. Wait for it.
You’ll never know when is the last time someone walks in or walks out. So have faith in your love and breathe.
There is no earthly language that could sufficiently capture how I hold you still in my heart, but to put it quite simply, you are to my soul what sunlight is to the surface of the moon. No length of time or distance can sever me from this truth. Among all the hidden treasures of the world there are none I find so fine or lovely as you.
I don’t know how loneliness works. What does it ask for? Just someone or someone specific. I may never be one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and still find a friend. I will never be someone whose phone beeps all the time because the world just can’t get enough of me. I can never be someone not lonely. I can never be someone trying to be less lonely. Maybe because I crave for something that the world knows nothing of. Something that only a man of words can read but never loud enough, but only in my words.
The only reason I’d walk in a room full of strangers would be to be one. To stand there and be no one, nothing, and everything. I don’t know how lonliness works, maybe it is me. I am my alone, my lonliness, my stranger. I hardly know who I am, and yet I am surrounded by people so full of who they are. It is lonely, this world, because everyone wants be not-lonely. I don’t understand that if people are supposed to be the cure of lonliness, why I feel the lonliest in a room full of people.
I did not know
how to love myself
and love you
at the same time
I could either give it all
If I split it down
we were both left
with too little.
And I have never
The problem with
Being in love
Is that you have no clue
How to love somebody
Without replacing your entire
Self worth on them.
If they love you,
You love you.
If they leave,
Your self esteem
Goes with them.
Feel the feelings,
The ones you can’t explain,
The ones where you know what you know,
But you don’t know why or how.
Feelings that have no words.
The ones not found in any dictionary and any language.
The ones that often whisper lies to you.
The ones impossible to ignore.
Hope is a song i wrote for you,
now i’m stripping it off lyric by lyric.
Misery is a nothing-town sleeping
over the grave of heartbreaks.
i’m that grave.
Falling for someone is standing
on the edge
and dancing with the devil.
whoever falls first, wins.
My feet are bleeding.
I lost, like I always do.
Staying back is like winning
a lottery, but
only when they want you to stay.
you don’t want me to, do you?
Asking you to stay is like
keeping my heart in a blender
and handing it over to you.
Rest is our history, shattered.
i won’t disappoint.
s(t)ay, i am a fool.
s(t)ay, you love me.
s(t)ay, we will survive.
s(t)ay, you want us to work.
s(t)ay, i’m hopeless.
s(t)ay, it’s me who needs to leave.
My thoughts very often sprint in circles. Always falling back to the place they began from.
All triggered at the
slightest touch of reality
and imagination both.
What was that you last said?
I keep trying to recall for
your first goodbye wasn’t our last.
You come and go.
You come and go.
Tell me if there’s an end to this,
I’d want to try that because
this feels as if you holding
a knife right in front my chest.
Tell me what does it do.
Tell me why do you this.
Wondering is a part of our being.
And our being is another
wonder to the nature.
I think and think and think hard
and harder because
circles have no corners
or edges to press pause for a while.
They keep running and the
wondering never stops.
As though it were you.
I can’t think anymore.
Maybe because you came into my life when I least expected a miracle to happen to me to save me from my own chaos, or maybe because you came with a torch in my life full of darkness, or maybe because you never left my side even when many already did, or maybe because of your gentle care that you always give me, or maybe because you’re the only person who understands my mood just by listening to my tone of speech, or maybe.. maybe l don’t know that why you’re so special to me because you’re itself a special, too much precious person to me and even a lifetime won’t be enough for me to describe your worth, and how stupendously special you are to me.
At the end of a long day, I think about you again. You’ve become a habit now, the most pronounced sound in my almighty wretchedness. In this room of ephemeral solitude, we sit and listen to each other silence. No words are spoken here. Like always.
Time stands still and starts evaporating. I’m told a wise man once said nothing. I understand the beauty in his existence. And that in ours. We fall prey to the quietness inside us, a tranquil passage to what we can but might never be.
There is poetry in the way we love. I move my lips on your fragility, every murmur an earthquake. Your breath falls soundlessly on my skin, the night watching us become stories, hiding us away in between the pages of these years.
What more can we ever share, now that we’ve shared a silence?
I have always loved the darkness of nights.
I am not a morning person.
I would instead lay on the roof, star gazing and playing a favourite piece of music than basking in the morning sun.
I love nights, for it restores numbed zones of feeling and recharges desire.
In all the magnanimity of thoughts, it makes me wonder how the roads are easily lost.
I love nights, for the endless conversations I have had with my loved ones and also for the heartwrenching sobs.
Along with the fading of night, I think of more such things as to how the clouds snatched his sun
Until next night.
Memory is a strange thing if you ask me. How many times I’ve entered a room and found myself staring at the wall, not knowing what I came there for.
They say that warning sirens ring just moment before we drown. But you see I’m like Titanic that took 180 minutes to drown. And I’ve been drowning for the past numerous days. Ask a lover and you’ll know that memory is a strange thing. And whenever I’ve tried to let you in it you’ve always clawed your way out and resisted to get back in.
It’s been days since I felt any kind of moisture in my eyes. They say when the heart becomes heavey our eyes let the pain out. But maybe that’s the problem I don’t wanna let it out, none of it. Maybe the pain is a part of loving you. And maybe that’s why no matter how far I go, I’ll always return to this feeling of your presence. Somewhere, deep in me where I’ll sit and let all the memories dissolve into me.
Do people always fall in love with the things they can’t have?
There’re nights when I keep rolling on and over the bed. Sleep doesn’t hit me easily. Whatever life that’s left within me, feels barely alive.
My blanket feels heavier than usual.
I scroll through the feed and every face reminds me of your smile, every text reminds me of your voice. “Forget and move on,” they say. How can we move on from someone who became a reason to live for? I try to keep my mind occupied. Books, TV, music or at the least emptiness, everything asks me to run up to to you and tell you that I miss you.
I sometimes wonder, if the one you share your morning coffee with knows the amount of sugar you want in it? If he knows you like toasts with jam and not butter? If he knows your favourite show is Tom n’ Jerry? And if he knows to love me like you?
I want to laugh, I don’t know-how. I want to cry, I don’t know why. The heart doesn’t want to forget you, the mind doesn’t know to forget you. And it’s me, dying every day, slowly like a candle, melting away.
People always want the things they know they can’t possess. Love is a strange emotion. It’s the reason to live for and then it’s the reason to die for.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
And in some parallel universe
He is mine for the rest of our lives.
And in some parallel universe,
Every morning I get to see his face before I see the sun.
And in some parallel universe,
He calls my name and wakes me up.
And in some parallel universe,
I come home at night all jaded only for him to make every pain fade away with just a smile.
In some parallel universe, I’m dying a happy death as he holds my hand and puts his head on my shoulder, while I breathe and kiss him for one last time.
John Green in all his sparkling brilliance said, “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”
Maybe, he felt it, maybe, he lived it, maybe, he scribbled it for the sake of darting his readers core once again with his ink of sweet torture.
I do not know, I do not want to know. We’ve had our fair share of love and heartbreaks. But trust me, it doesn’t hurt anymore. For very obvious reasons, you choose a person to own the bigger share of your heart without expecting anything in return. Whether he preserves it, caresses it or moulds it into a trash can, you still keep your lesser half inside the can. The memories won’t haunt you. Rather, they would become a much sweeter version of nightmares which you’d want to live everyday. And everytime it’d sting, you’d smile.
You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky enough to meet someone who showed you that there were souls within this universe that felt as deeply, and cared as feverishly, as you did.
You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky because you met someone who, for a moment in time, was able to squeeze all of your broken pieces back together. You got lucky. Lucky enough to meet someone who plucked anxiety out of your chest like splinters, who poured calm into the parts of you that no one else clapped for.
No, you did not lose — you got lucky. You got lucky because time did not choose to separate you. You got lucky. Lucky enough to have found them, to have experienced them, to have been given the opportunity to love them the way you loved them.
But sometimes, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like hurricanes — making us question if we feel too deeply, if we are simply too much to hold. The hardest lesson you will ever have to learn is that this too is a gift. To have been loved in halves is to have been loved by someone who taught you how to walk away. How to choose yourself for once, how to stand up for your worth. At the end of the day, they may not have loved you, but they did teach you how to survive the wreckage, how to endure the storm, and how to rebuild.
The biggest battles that we will ever fight, are the battles inside our own heads. They take place when we are the most vulnerable and totally alone. We face them alone , we fight them alone and we conquer them alone. Somethings are just meant to be this way , and you might wish that you may never have to face them. But to be honest, these battles make us who we are and they are essential and without those scars we won’t be able to recognise ourselves. Without those wounds , we won’t be the same.
Whenever chaos knocks on your door, just embrace it; because that’s the best we can do.
When I first started the year, I wasn’t in the best mindset. Like I had no idea where I was headed, and I just wanted to stop for a while. I wanted to rest and let the world go ahead without me while I took time to figure myself out. It’s crazy. Everything looks rose-tinted to a spectator, the grass is greener on the other side but only the person living that life knows what they’re going through.
All I wanted was peace. I was losing my drive, the things that propelled me forward and my dreams. I even lost someone forever who was very close to me. But I would always wish him loads of happiness and success wherever he is.
The previous year brought about a tumultuous change in my life. It’s weird to think that a year ago I had no idea that I would experience the things that I did, that I would meet the people I have, and that I would feel the way that I feel at this moment. This year has given me so much, imprinted a lifetime of memories that I will take with me as I move forward on my journey, the people that I’ve with me have healed me, loved me, encouraged me, improved me and welcomed me with all my imperfections, in my entirety.
I would always pray to God for some people to be by my side lifelong. Without them, I would cease to exist. It’s true that some people transform your life completely with their presence, bringing an abundance of love, happiness and warmth that you let every ounce of your being absorb.
I’m ending the year with my cup brimming with kind people, happiness, memories, smiles and laughter. The weeks, months and years ahead are uncertain but what I am certain of is how I feel at this present moment – happy, driven towards my dreams, and praying that I have the one I love with me always.
And these are the things that I wish for each and every one of you. Welcome happiness and love, welcome risks, new people and adventures, welcome growth, welcome your future. I wish you so much love and light.
Cheers to 2019 & Wish You a Happy 2020!
I know it seems like things will never get better. You feel like you are stuck in your current situation. Life has seemed like more of a battle than a blessing lately, and every time you finally seem to make a breakthrough, life only seems to knock you back down. These are the days that can either destroy or define you, and it is up to you to decide which path you take.
I hope you don’t let it destroy you.
I hope you get back up every time the world expects you to just give up. I hope you never feel like you won’t get any further than you are right now because you have no idea how much more you will grow. You will meet people whose impact will stay with you for years. You will learn what love really is and exactly what it is not. You will finally understand the value of being alone and all of the joy that only you can bring to yourself. You will learn to start living for yourself.
Today may not be your best day, and tomorrow might not be either, but I promise you that one day, you will wake up and realize this is the beginning of everything you have ever wanted.
Please don’t give up on your dreams and the life you always wanted for anyone. It is up to you whether you want to move forward or stand still; but know that if you choose to stay exactly where you are, you will never know how far you could have gone.
It’s not the moon that I miss.
It’s the idea of something radiating,
That makes the darkness a less darker.
Just as you wear your earrings penetrating your skin,
Similarly your feelings pierced inside my heart.
No doubt it made my soul look adorable just as your face,
But it hurt every single time you tried to detach it.
I thought you wore it as a symbol of your pride and existence,
But I was fooled until you changed it.
Then I realized you have one for every occasion.
I realized what remained constant was the hole on your earlobe and the hole in my heart.
You will never be unloved by me.
You are too well tangled in my soul.”
If someone would ask me to write the name of a person who loves me and cares for me selflessly, my heart will not think twice before shooting your name.
You care for me like my mother. Checking my timely meals and getting annoyed when I don’t sleep on time. It’s like in this world full of fake people I have you in the form of an invisible shield.
Your “No Strings Attached” tag should someday be removed. I know you are my lover and my life and I can’t thank you enough for your selflessness. I have heard a lot about blessings and it just sounds like your name.
You look at her just as I want you to look at me. It stings right there where you live, I think you know your permanent place by now, my heart; yes it stings right there. It penetrates venom inside me.
But for the sake of my dying heart, I feed myself on the anecdote of lies, that you are looking for ME in HER….
Love is painful and frightening. It makes you judge yourself and distance yourself from other people in your life. It makes you selfish, creepy and cruel. It makes you do things you never thought you would ever do.
Love is not something that weak people do. In fact, it needs a lot of courage and hope. Same is the case when you part with the one you love the mostest.
I was always bad at saying goodbyes. It’s like you are at the edge of the cliff and you have to jump. The worst part is making the choice to do it and once you are in the air, you can do nothing but let go.
“And then you meet someone and you life changes forever.”
It always haunts me how our time together is running out like grains of sand from my clenched fists. The clock is ticking so fast. I so much want to hold you a bit longer, a bit more tight and how I wish this moment doesn’t become past tense. But do all wishes come true?
I know not what future has in store for us but believe me when I say there will be no day when you will not cross my mind and no second when I will not think of you. My time will halt, to cherish you. Need I say more?
It’s just an ordinary day. But I found myself thinking about you. I always think about you, you know. But it became more frequent today. Maybe because I miss you.
I think about those days where may be in a parallel universe, we might have met earlier. I would never have left and we’d be in the same city. In that parallel universe, everything would feel perfect. All our dreams would come true. All our doubts, gone. All our sorrows, erased. All of our anxieties, swept away.
But the present situation is that we are here, in this universe, where not everything is perfect. Things may not have happened the way we wanted to, but I am forever thankful that the universe conspired to make us meet. And although it has not been so kind as to make us stay together, I still know that you will forever be etched in my memories.
One-sided love is one of the worst things that can happen. After confessing your feelings and getting a negative response from the other side, is it possible to stay as friends? Still being friends is a statement that destroys you over and over again. The question is can you still stay as friends after you have loved someone immensely?
He said we can still be friends but what I don’t understand is how can I look at him when someone else is holding his hand? I can hear my own heart sting with pain shattering into a million pieces so loudly that it deafens me, then how can I look at him when he is walking hand in hand with someone else. How can we still be friends when I have to hide my tears when he talks of her?
I guess he meant we can stay as strangers with distant memories that we don’t remember unless we see them in old pictures. But the fact is we simply can’t be friends when your voice hurts me and it reminds me of all those times we spent together. How can you look at someone you love while that person loves somebody else? Friends don’t look at each other wishing they were something more.
Frankly speaking, there are no rules in life. You can trust what you want to and easily change those beliefs when you wish. You are not defined by your past and you can change it when you want! It is most important to follow what makes you happy. Even in relationships, there is no need to feel miserable. You cannot be with someone for life and it needs a strong conviction. It is tough to believe that you will probably never hear from this person again and unfulfilled love is indeed soul-crushing. But not everything is meant to go your way. Many people are not destined to be together and you simply cannot deny that fact.
These days I’ve been so much more at peace with myself, I am happy where I’m at and I believe it’s better to let things move forward in their own direction. You can’t simply force things on others. A lot of people, I had issues with, are no longer there in my life. Many new people have come in and are strong pillars of support. I am allowing both, the opportunities and the people who are meant for me to come my way and to let go all that what isn’t. I’ve learned to recognize when I’m being negative towards myself and how to raise myself up instead and turn things around.
Sometimes the most purest form of love you will find on earth is unexpected love. In such a case, you are not looking for some one to complete you, you are not in search of some one to fill the void, you are just not broken and neither are you looking for a rebound.
One fine day, out of nowhere you meet someone. You know you weren’t looking for him and neither were you expecting him. But you met him and you are happy you did. There is always one lustrous moment just before you realize you have fallen in love and you feel a strong force just like a tornado or a whirlpool which is strong and fierce, yet amazingly inviting.
At times, we feel immense peace in the people we meet on our way because our souls have suffered so much chaos and it feels so much better and peaceful just to talk to them and see them smile. You actually feel very happy when you are around them because they are your inspiration to live. Despite all your flaws and failures, they inspire you to be your true self. They are your soulmates because they have seen the worst in you. They are by your side because they have faith in you and believe that the goodness will always lead you the way. You may have a bumpy ride with them, but these are the people who never leave, who always stick by your side.
I frankly don’t have a clue what I am going to write about but the past few days have been quite strange for me. I mean I am fine and there is not much happening in my life but there is this heaviness I feel whenever I breathe. I feel like my mind is occupied with nothing yet everything. Somewhere I wish I had some sort of consistency in life. It is simply like as soon as I am happy something bad happens. Or you know, even when it doesn’t my mood just drops down and on a serious note I am tired. I don’t know whether this is just a phase or it will last forever.
In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that there is no forever, but there is. Forever has to be an infinite number but at times forever is as small as a kiss, as small as those gusts of wind rippling your hair, as small as the ocean waves hitting the shore. The moments you never wanted to end but it ended nevertheless. I don’t know if this phase is a short forever or a long one. Some days I am all good, doing my bit, happy, joyous and lively. But on the other days, I am on my bed, too numb to even write. These are those moments when I feel the sound of the clock ticking or the switched on lights, even these become too much to take. When I feel helpless and energy-less to even get out of bed is when I sink deeper and deeper. These moments make me question my existence and I fail to understand my own self.
You know that feeling when you get to read your favorite book but it is in some other language which you can’t comprehend and all you want to do is simply tear off the pages. These are my feelings. These emotions are mine and I simply do not know how to understand it all. All that I want is to end all of this. But this is how life is, the unhappiness, the pain, the resentment, the anger is all there! May be I will be better tomorrow, may be not! This is quite sudden and time taking but I hope all goes well in the end. Either there is a hopeless end or an endless hope!
Recently I watched this movie Before We Go and I loved it indeed. Outstanding performance of Alice Eve and Chris Evans witnessing a number of adventures together. Not only did they came close in the process but also got to know a number of things about themselves which helped them make some life changing decisions.
Here are a few power-packed lines from the movie which I genuinely loved-
Nick – “God. Why is it that any one decision always seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life.”
Brooke – “I don’t know but sometimes you have to just make the choice and jump.”
“This is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.”
Brooke – “It’s possible, isn’t it? It’s possible that you could meet somebody who’s perfect for you even though you’re committed to somebody else.”
Nick – “No, no, see, I think if you’re committed to somebody, you don’t allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.”
Nick – “And at the end of the night, you’re gonna want to say some things, but don’t. Don’t ruin it. It’s nothing she doesn’t already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh… thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life.”
It is quite strange how one day some one just stops loving you all of a sudden. They decide never to be in touch with you and never coming back to you. All of a sudden all you have is despair and a cloud of sadness enveloping you. This hits straight like a sting and fucks up your entire being. Your soul is filled with remorse as you know you couldn’t keep them with you.
When you feel some one no longer loves you , you live in denial. You lie to yourself that may be they will be back with you and their memories haunt you and make you sick. May be you never thought you would witness a day where every beat of your heat would make you aware of your loneliness. But you have to let them go. No matter how bad you want to be with them. Life will go on and I hope you never blame yourself for it. When someone stops loving you, they lose a person who would give them every ounce of their existence and you lose someone who may be never deserved you in the first place. It surely aches but one day you will feel better.