VULNERABILITY – This word carries so much weight for me. When I think about the most powerful, transformational moments in my life, they are moments when I truly allowed myself to be vulnerable. When I stepped outside of my fears and decided to pursue something I believed in. When I chose to no longer be silenced and spoke up for those who needed a voice of their own.⠀
Choosing vulnerability has shaped my career and the interactions I have with people I work with. I’ve learned that it’s one of the scariest things in the world, but when we choose to let people see us — unfiltered and raw — we grow in ways we never imagined.⠀
In life there comes a point when we either feel too much or nothing at all. We try to ignore our feelings because we think feeling the same thing for a while will end up giving pain to our own heart. We gradually begin suppressing things, because expressing would not make the situation any better. You may get a hand to shake but not a ear to express your fears, your flaws or emotions. Since the very beginning, we have been taught to make ourselves valuable in front of everyone but not vulnerable.
At times, we hide our tears as if it is a bomb that would explode the city which lies inside us. But there are cities which are laid to dust yet built again. In reality, the point is that some feelings are like birds, they are happy when we let them fly rather than cage them in our heart.
We humans are nothing but a soul full of emotions. It is completely okay to cry. Unless you cry openly, you will not be able to laugh properly. Cry your fucking heart out and unleash the burden of your feelings. Crying does not make you weak, it only saves you from being a living corpse.
Friedrich Nietzsche in this statement says that when you go through tough times, you gradually build up the strength for the next painful event. In case of a trauma, it may be quite a comforting thought. But most importantly, how do you feel about this statement? Does it resonate with you, or does it sound cliched?
It can be viewed as a war wound, to heal from a really bad time feeling more powerful and ready to take on the next battle. But with me, that is not quite the case. Especially after rough days and tough times, I find myself weaker and more sad. For me the quote goes like – What doesn’t kill you hurts you incredibly and makes you vulnerable and pathetic.
At times, it happens that a few tough situations help in becoming a stronger person. But the really big things, the things that totally altered my life without my consent, the loss of my most loved ones, the horrible experience of being desperately lonely or panic-stricken with anxiety and such other times have bought nothing empowering in me. I’ve felt my heart shatter into pieces and my soul dry, but I never felt stronger after those days. I was only happy that they were over.
I personally feel that strength doesn’t come from life’s worst moments, rather it comes from the best. Whenever I am loved, I feel strong. I find strength in the times when I’ve been most generous and caring. I find strength when I am able to deal well with the bad days. But I feel weak when I face those gloomy bad days. So with me, what doesn’t kill me, does not make me stronger, rather it makes me more weaker and snatches the entire energy out of my existence.