Always keep in mind that this is the only life you get. Live every moment and spend time with others. Please your own needs, not at the constant battle for other.
Remember that you see this sunrise because you are blessed with it. Be thankful for your life and not miserable with it.
Keep calm in situations you feel like you are losing it all. Your time is short so remember every moment you have spent here and keep pushing yourself forward. Things will gradually get better with time.
You are you forever so cherish your life because this chance is forever yours.
Believe in yourself and you will find that the world believes in you,
Believe in yourself and you will have all the energy, power and motivation to achieve all that you desire,
Believe in yourself and you can make all your dreams come true.
The first step before anyone else believes you, is that you start believing your own self.
Reminds me of a famous quote which goes like this – ” There is actually no reason to have a Plan B, because that only distracts you from Plan A.”
Even having the notion of Plan B or a backup plan shows that you are not completely confident on your Plan A. The moment you doubt on your original plan is the moment you have failed. The most successful people never had a Plan B. For them, their Plan A was their Plan B, Plan C and Plan D.
May be your plan is not realistic but who cares. Life is never about being realistic, it is about being optimistic.
We’ve all heard the phrase which says that “ the grass is greener on the other side of the fence”. But it cannot be ignored that comparison is the thief of joy. We always compare ourselves with others and think that what other people have is better. It’s pure perception. Because the people on the other side of the fence are under the impression that your grass is greener!
But the fact is that if you really want “greener grass, ” you need to take care of your own lawn. Water it and fertilize it. Take care of what you have, and watch it flourish. The grass is rarely greener on the other side, as a matter of fact it is greener where you water it. It is you who has the power to make the adjustments in your life that you crave for. If you want to be happier at work, then be grateful you have a job, and choose to be happy at work. If you have a tussle among your friends, talk to them and solve the matter.
When you spend more time on worrying about and focusing on what everyone else’s garden (ie. life, career, relationships, etc.) looks like, you’re simply wasting your own precious time that could otherwise be spent on catering to your own yard. Do the best you can for yourself!
One-sided love is one of the worst things that can happen. After confessing your feelings and getting a negative response from the other side, is it possible to stay as friends? Still being friends is a statement that destroys you over and over again. The question is can you still stay as friends after you have loved someone immensely?
He said we can still be friends but what I don’t understand is how can I look at him when someone else is holding his hand? I can hear my own heart sting with pain shattering into a million pieces so loudly that it deafens me, then how can I look at him when he is walking hand in hand with someone else. How can we still be friends when I have to hide my tears when he talks of her?
I guess he meant we can stay as strangers with distant memories that we don’t remember unless we see them in old pictures. But the fact is we simply can’t be friends when your voice hurts me and it reminds me of all those times we spent together. How can you look at someone you love while that person loves somebody else? Friends don’t look at each other wishing they were something more.
Do not let the internet rush you. You have time and it is absolutely okay if you are not settled at 28, jobless at 29 or not married at 30. Don’t get discouraged by people who are shining on social media. Remember, no one is posting their failures.
We all have fears, struggles, failures, scars and own fights far beyond what we show. It is essential that you fight your own race at your own best pace. Your Ego will never let you accept the truth. Stop getting mad when people don’t support you. The fact is that half of them cannot even support themselves. Keep marching forward and remember that the tortoise always wins the race.
Hear your voice clearly in your head. Start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you. Make the voice in your head your best friend and your biggest supporter. It is this voice which will either make you or break you, which will either shape you or destroy you. Everything else is inconsequential.
Change your internal dialogue and you will for sure see a change in yourself. Being positive may seem a bit theoretical at times but overcoming negative thoughts is something which is most important. Listen to your inner voice because it will never guide you on the wrong path.
The synopsis seemed good,
the cover too looked nice,
you opened the book
and began a new life.
You found yourself a new home,
you met some new friends,
you continued reading,
hoping it would never end.
You flipped through the pages,
you read out loud the words
you felt their joy,
their pain and hurt.
The pages cut your fingers,
and the words cut your heart,
Felt as if the author had a knife,
and was tearing your soul apart.
You laughed with the characters,
with them, you cried,
you lived with them, too
And with them, you died.
So, this is a story I had read somewhere which explains life perfectly. One day, it so happened that a girl in the class laughed as she saw the teacher write a wrong answer on the board. The school teacher wrote on the board the following –
2×1 = 2
2×2 = 5
2×3 = 6
2×4 = 8
2×5 = 10
2×6 = 12
2×7 = 14
2×8 = 16
2×9 = 18
2×10 = 20
When the teacher was done writing, he looked on the board and saw all the students laughing because he wrote the second equation wrong. He then said “ I wrote the second equation wrong intentionally because I wanted you all to learn something from this. “
He said, “This is for you to know how the world outside will treat you. I wrote correct answers 9 times, but none of you congratulated me. One wrong answer, and you laughed so bad. “
Here is the lesson – The world will never appreciate the good you do a million times but will criticize you for one wrong thing that you do. But stay strong and rise above the criticism.
This reminds me of a quote –
Once I did bad and that I heard ever, Twice I did good, but that i heard never.”-Dale Carnegie
Friedrich Nietzsche in this statement says that when you go through tough times, you gradually build up the strength for the next painful event. In case of a trauma, it may be quite a comforting thought. But most importantly, how do you feel about this statement? Does it resonate with you, or does it sound cliched?
It can be viewed as a war wound, to heal from a really bad time feeling more powerful and ready to take on the next battle. But with me, that is not quite the case. Especially after rough days and tough times, I find myself weaker and more sad. For me the quote goes like – What doesn’t kill you hurts you incredibly and makes you vulnerable and pathetic.
At times, it happens that a few tough situations help in becoming a stronger person. But the really big things, the things that totally altered my life without my consent, the loss of my most loved ones, the horrible experience of being desperately lonely or panic-stricken with anxiety and such other times have bought nothing empowering in me. I’ve felt my heart shatter into pieces and my soul dry, but I never felt stronger after those days. I was only happy that they were over.
I personally feel that strength doesn’t come from life’s worst moments, rather it comes from the best. Whenever I am loved, I feel strong. I find strength in the times when I’ve been most generous and caring. I find strength when I am able to deal well with the bad days. But I feel weak when I face those gloomy bad days. So with me, what doesn’t kill me, does not make me stronger, rather it makes me more weaker and snatches the entire energy out of my existence.
Each of us has a reason to live. May be a special someone, a child, a career, a passion or anything else. It is the thing which kindles the fire in your soul, and without it, you have no idea what to do with yourself. But at times, it happens that you actually lose the thing that kept you going and everything seems to fall apart. The excitement and the eagerness is all gone. The pain makes you feel meaningless when you lose your reason to live.
In such a situation, you need to redefine your reasons for living. Remember that life is always moving forward and changing. You will have to change too. The time will come when you will have to move on as well. If you have lost someone/something which was incredibly important to you, you have based your reason to live on this thing and you may now feel trapped when this thing has been taken from you. But it is not true. Your reason to live depends on you. You are truly dynamic and you have the power to assign someone the meaning and purpose of your life.
You do not need to change the world. All you need to do is simply change your perspective. Truly said “The most tragic moments in our life are the ones that define us the most.” Life is good but it isn’t always fair. There are good times and bad. But when things get tough, seize control of your life and find a reason to keep living. Find a reason to keep going!
Talking of the heart and the head debate, you know the head usually opts for the safer option, whereas the heart advocates the risky one. At times, because of this misalignment, it is quite possible to feel divided within the same body.
Your heart is the little voice or the intuition that guides you. When faced with a conflict, your mind may have several logical reasons to act but if you listen to your heart, you are generally more happier, because that is what you actually wanted to do or believe in. The mind which can understand the most complicated and intricate theories, the same mind can be upset over a harmless remark. The mind has no relation with deeper feelings and as a result it creates endless dramas in your life. Mind is the content but the heart is the essence.
In the conflict between the mind and the heart, it is also your emotional state in which you decide, which plays a major role. It is not wrong to follow your heart, but never do so in a state of anger or happiness, as those emotions can cloud your judgement as well as influence your decision. Follow your heart always, but at the same time, do not completely ignore what your mind has to say. A blend of heart and head will bring you closer to the most favorable decisions. You know it is the right decision when the situation satiates both your mind and heart simultaneously.
I was a voracious reader ever since my school days. From the very formative years of learning, I was totally inclined towards English. Fast-forward a few decades, I have been lucky enough to spend the last three years as a full-time as well as a freelance writer. It is not always easy, but it is a fulfilling career in itself, that allows me to do what I love, write!
I have always preferred the company of books over people. It is not that I do not like people. Of course I do. It is just that when I am too much surrounded with people, even though it be my dearest and close ones; there is always a moment when I would rather prefer reading a book.
As a freelance writer, what I like the most is that you rarely entirely switch off. At least, I don’t! There’s always an article which is going on in the back of my mind, or an idea for a new pitch to write on or something that I have already written. In the beginning, it was just a hobby, writing one piece a month and then gradually in a week. But now, it is my routine, my lifestyle, a part of my being. Now, I write daily and I get that instant urge to start typing and pen down what ever is there in my head. Accidental freelancer because never had I ever thought of being a freelance writer. I just came across random clients and undertook the projects that were offered to me. Happy in my profession, happy being an accidental freelancer.
A lot many times it happens that you simply want to forget someone. But that doesn’t happen. You might have moved on, it is an entirely different concept, but it doesn’t mean you have forgotten the person. You do not forget them. They stay in the back of your head all the time. The memories may blur with time but you can not forget them who taught you how to love.
Such people live with you forever. They are a part of your existence, a part of you. With time the wounds may heal, you may not see tears in your eyes when you see their pictures or hear their name. But in the back of your mind, you know they still exist and will do forever. You gradually accept the fact that you cannot forget them and you won’t and you begin living with it. That is a name which has been printed on your soul, stitched in your veins and is running in your blood.
Resources are never the problem. It is the lack of resourcefulness that causes failure. This is the Golden Age, the era which humanity has always looked forward to, dreamt of and worked for numerous years.
With the onset of internet and the current resources at hand, you can literally learn all that you want and know about any skill you wish to. It is important that you develop your skill-set and become a person of value. Grooming yourself and giving your life a new direction is in your hands. A few years ago, it wasn’t even possible. You are very lucky that you are born in this era, so make full use of it.
Be the best version of yourself. Take out time, learn and educate yourself. Living in this information age, it is the best if you cater to your own self.
The situation is never at fault. It is the way you choose to view it. Your perspective is how you choose to see the world. There are many things known and many things unknown and so it is easy to be influenced. Because of it, the perception becomes distorted and affects the way you lead your life.
Deep within, each and everyone of us longs for something or someone, that we know we can never have. But there is no pursuit of happiness, no reaching for something. It is just the empty long road where you are the sole traveller. It is just us and life and the way we look at things.
How we look at things is how we look at us. What we see around us is what we see inside us. If there is no happiness in the world, you will never find any happiness in yourself.
Have you ever seen those Mountain waterfalls? There is something about them which always leaves me in awe. They’re so mysterious, because they seem to be flowing out of nowhere. When you’re just driving past by, you can’t see their point of origination. And that’s what makes them so mesmerising.
For me, they simply seem to flow out of the heart of the mountain, as if the mountain was so full of its own soul, that it had to let it all well forth, unabashed, unstructured, free. How beautiful it is to be free, no? Free falling, free feeling, free flowing, yet inherently rooted, belonging but not bound. This, I believe is the best feeling ever! You know you belong somewhere but you are still under no boundations of any sort.
The flow of the river seemed a lot more surreal that day, as I sat on the banks of the Ganges, just completely mesmerized. I was indeed caught off-guard by the sheer power of consistency, that continuity wields, that courses through life in the most subtlest ways. We all seek it don’t we? And just look at the river, that’s all it has, only the faith of flowing water. It is quite lovely and strange, both at the same time. Though the river is always there, the water flowing through it is never the same, never still.
“Life is like the river, sometimes it sweeps you gently along and sometimes the rapids come out of nowhere. “Emma Smith
Are people also just like rivers? I wondered. Am I like that? Just like the river, I am always me, always flowing but always different. Will I grow with time or become a stagnant riverbed? Will I allow the people around me to dam me, so that I can only flow where they want me to or will they turn me to a canal for their own use. Detach, distance and take a look from afar. You’re such a small part of the cosmos, and yet there’s so much which is weighing you down. Maybe it’s time to let go, and observe what stays.
These four words (Nothing. Everything. Anything. Something.) are relative in nature. What may mean nothing to you, may be everything for someone. Truly said ” One mans’s food is another man’s poison.”
“Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something. “Jarod Kintz
Nothing is something, and something could be anything or everything, which means that everything is just nothing. Too complicated? Life is just a matter of perspective. It all depends on the way you perceive it. You interpret a situation depending on your beliefs and interests. But to be honest, you only see what you wish to see.
Frankly speaking, there are no rules in life. You can trust what you want to and easily change those beliefs when you wish. You are not defined by your past and you can change it when you want! It is most important to follow what makes you happy. Even in relationships, there is no need to feel miserable. You cannot be with someone for life and it needs a strong conviction. It is tough to believe that you will probably never hear from this person again and unfulfilled love is indeed soul-crushing. But not everything is meant to go your way. Many people are not destined to be together and you simply cannot deny that fact.
These days I’ve been so much more at peace with myself, I am happy where I’m at and I believe it’s better to let things move forward in their own direction. You can’t simply force things on others. A lot of people, I had issues with, are no longer there in my life. Many new people have come in and are strong pillars of support. I am allowing both, the opportunities and the people who are meant for me to come my way and to let go all that what isn’t. I’ve learned to recognize when I’m being negative towards myself and how to raise myself up instead and turn things around.
How many times have you had a negative thought about something that may or may not happen? It is important that you understand that these thoughts often arise out of your fear of the unknown and so you must question these thoughts before you believe them. Generally the cases of them coming true will be very low. A thought is harmless unless you believe in it. It is not the thought but the attachment to it that often leads to our suffering. When we get attached to a thought, we start believing it is true even before verifying its authenticity. Negative thoughts often arise due to the fear of the unknown and carry no evidence of being real because they have not even occurred as yet. They are a natural response from your brain to alert you from all the upcoming challenges. The only purpose of these thoughts is to act as a reminder and prepare you to be aware.
We come from a survival and scarcity based culture that we simply cannot conceive the bigger possibilities of life that lie ahead of us. Nurturing a mindset of abundance is absolutely essential for your general well being and growth. So be happy and live life king-size. Hope for the best and get ready to face the worst!
Your insecurities are with you always. They are loud. As much as you try to hide them, they come out of their hiding places. Insecurities are a part of us. Parts of our bodies, our personalities and our past.
But remember, your flaws are a part of you. Your mistakes are what makes you human as no one is perfect. Even the most charming faces hide horrific secrets. It is absolutely okay if you do not fit in. Not everyone is supposed to. But it is not okay to demean you. Stop highlighting your flaws and be soft to yourself. Forgive yourself for all the self-loath, the hateful and pretentious remarks and every night you spent wishing that you were someone else. Your worth isn’t measured by the way you look and your fears. You are enough. In fact a thousand times enough!
All the change that you want to see, starts with you. If you want to change anything in the external world, the first step you need to take is change what is inside you first. You can love yourself and be your biggest supporter, mentor, motivator or believer; and at the same time, you can curse yourself for every mistake of yours and be your own critic because that is what the society has taught you.
Life is like a boxing match wherein defeat is declared not when you fall but when you fail to get up. Every single setback that you come across in life has some purpose. They help you grow to your best self. Know and claim your inner power, peace and purpose. Pull on your socks and get going because only you can know your true worth.
Sometimes the most purest form of love you will find on earth is unexpected love. In such a case, you are not looking for some one to complete you, you are not in search of some one to fill the void, you are just not broken and neither are you looking for a rebound.
One fine day, out of nowhere you meet someone. You know you weren’t looking for him and neither were you expecting him. But you met him and you are happy you did. There is always one lustrous moment just before you realize you have fallen in love and you feel a strong force just like a tornado or a whirlpool which is strong and fierce, yet amazingly inviting.
At times, we feel immense peace in the people we meet on our way because our souls have suffered so much chaos and it feels so much better and peaceful just to talk to them and see them smile. You actually feel very happy when you are around them because they are your inspiration to live. Despite all your flaws and failures, they inspire you to be your true self. They are your soulmates because they have seen the worst in you. They are by your side because they have faith in you and believe that the goodness will always lead you the way. You may have a bumpy ride with them, but these are the people who never leave, who always stick by your side.
A smiling face does not always mean that a person is happy. Smile is something that can hide anything going on in a person’s mind. But it can hide the pain to a certain limit.
When I was going through this painful phase where I lost my mom, I was totally a different person. I would sit on park benches for hours pushing back tears, fighting to stay upright, and always seconds away from being a total freak out. Anyone passing by me, looked deeply into my bloodshot eyes or sometimes noticed the occasional break in my voice and simply would ask me what’s wrong. Frankly speaking, at that point of time I was so lost and frustrated that I simply wanted to wear a sign that said: I LOST MY MOM. PLEASE GO EASY.
When things go wrong with you, you are actually the one who has to face everything. No one can ever understand an inch of your pain that you are going through, no one has any idea of the gaping sinkhole that has just opened up and swallowed the normal life of yours.
Life is a battle and we are all warriors. Everyone around you is experiencing the collateral damage of living, in one way or the other. They are all grieving someone, fighting their own battle, missing someone and are worried about someone. Every single human being you pass by is fighting to find peace, to get through their daily tasks without breaking down. Pain-ravaged people are everywhere and we are quite oblivious to them. But no one wears the sign – I AM STRUGGLING, SO BE NICE TO ME. And since they don’t, it’s up to you and me to look more closely and be more considerate towards them. Because most people are hanging by a thread and our simple kindness can be that thread.
No matter how hard the hidden stories around us might be, if you look with the right eyes, you’ll see the signs. Be considerate, be loving because all happy faces aren’t happy.
The heart wants what it wants. Sometimes there is no logic to these things. You meet someone all of a sudden and you fall in love. The heart has its reasons that reason knows not. The heart has a different language, one which the mind does not comprehend.
The emotions such as love are not under the conscious and cognitive control of the heart. Is it true that the heart wants what it wants? It is indeed true as some emotions are not under our control. You cannot simply start unloving someone no matter how hard the situation may be. Love and attraction always have an upper hand over logic. It is not always the case that you should listen to your heart, rather you should bring your head into the equation as well.
Think not just about what the heart wants but also pay heed to what the heart is trying to avoid. At times, when you want to be close to your favorite person, but you can’t be, you may feel very painful as if totally unable to bear the pain. But the truth is, the anticipation of how bad you may feel, is worse than your actual feeling. The heart wants what it wants but it is better to use your head in order to make better decisions.
With love comes the fear of loss. The undeniable fear of losing your loved one. Just the thought of not having them by your side one day hangs heavy like a grey cloud above your head. The thought that certain events may unfold which will lead to parting ways causes an immense pain inside you just like a burning sensation.
With Love comes vulnerability, trust, loyalty and the possibility that these things mean taking pieces from your soul and giving it over to the person you love. With love you become aware of the fact that losing them will eventually cause you relentless pain. You know that if they leave you, a huge part of you, will leave your side too.
But at the same time, with loving someone comes smiles, laughs and happy tears which you will remember for lifetime. You feel an incredible peace, a peace, that you know you will never be able to find again. With loving someone comes serenity, contentment, understanding and a friendship which will never leave you feeling cold. No matter how far you go, you know you will never forget those days.
With love comes fear, sure but it is also accompanied by a fearlessness that you didn’t know you could summon. There comes a happiness which stays, and believe me when I say that, because it does stay!
Be brave to be alone. By alone I mean not depending on someone else for your happiness, by alone I mean a future where your goals rely on you, by alone I mean strolling on a beach barefoot with sand between your feet and winds rustling past your face.
Be brave enough to love yourself. Love yourself enough to walk away, say no when you have had too much, smile at your own reflection when life feels grim. Be brave enough to be there for your own self. Have the power to wipe your own tears when you have no one beside you but a human-sized ache resting next to you. Hold your falling pieces together because if you don’t then you will fall apart and there will be no one to save you.
Be brave enough to be the right person for yourself because if you are brave to do what’s right for you, then you will never feel lonely even when you are alone.
To be honest, facing your fear is the right thing to do. You can’t train yourself for it, you simply need to face it. Keep a strong belief in yourself that what is meant to stay in your life will stay no matter how many odds are in your favor. If you fear and worry about things, it only makes you suffer twice. So it’s better to have faith in yourself and keep going ahead. You’ll overcome all your fears eventually. Believe in the universe and the way it puts up things for you. Ultimately, remember the mantra for life that whatever happens, happens for the good.
Voluntarily or involuntarily, attachments happen and we get close to people. We may not be totally aware but with attachment comes a fear of loss. The fear of loss paralyses you to act sensibly and you feel as if everything is going down in flames. Life is beautiful, but it is only beautiful because it is finite. No matter you are having a good time or a bad time, always remember that – This too shall pass.
Whether you are in deep despair or in the midst of the greatest experience of happiness, remembering this truth will serve us well. Resistance to impermanence along with the ever-changing flow of all things in life, is a great cause of suffering. Let pass what must pass. Let go all that you fear to lose!
Sorry if you feel that this page is slowly turning out to become a rant page. It’s just those mind fuck-ups. Lately I have been thinking a lot about attachments. Do you realize how much you grow attached to a few things like books, people, places? Sometimes, somethings that you are most attached to, end up hurting you.
I always have been very possessive about my books, my people and the places I have been connected to. Some places are you go-to places, you go there when you have a bad day or a good day. Also, you don’t want others to know about that place, because then that place would no longer be yours. You would always want to keep that place a secret. Same is the case with my books. I never lent my books to anyone as I always felt it would disrupt the bond that I share with my book.
At times we stop going to a few places because they remind us of some bitter memories or because we found a better place to call ours. Attachment is also a similar phenomena. The less attached you are, the more peaceful you will be.
Sometimes you are not tired, you are simply done. Done with people! At times I feel as if the events around me have a life of their own, and no matter how hard I try to mould them into a better form it is all going to be a waste of time – so it is worthless to even try. Life is too short to deal with battles that are pointless. So it is way better to leave some things on God and go with the flow!
It is true that when loves goes wrong, nothing goes right. Super strong emotion such as jealousy is ultimately temporary. All you need to do is watch it come and leave. You do not need to react to it. As far as quitting is concerned, rest assured not to worry about being labeled a quitter, as there is a hell lot of difference between giving up and resigning yourself so that you can finally accept things as they are.
When you feel everything is going wrong, remember that it is temporary. The phase will eventually pass and it is not the bad times that define you rather it’s your approach that does. Write about it and vent out your frustrations. Acknowledge the fact that life has different plans at times so do not be at the end of your tether. Overthinking will certainly destroy your mood so it is better to let go.
It is not always advisable to wait for the right time when you want to confess or say something to someone. This time may be the right time and it’s just that probably you couldn’t figure it out. I feel that somewhere in a parallel universe there exists a record of all that you left unsaid. All that you backspaced and things you did not say. Somewhere those things have been segregated as per dates, just like these Whatsapp chat backups.
Those words that left you sour and empty and curdled your soul. All the things that you typed in clumsily over the phone in the middle of the night, masking all your desperation and dejection. It is all probably there in a parallel universe. These conversations exist in plenty and one day you will finally have access to all of those accumulated manuscripts. May be then you will realize how different life would have been if you had said all that you ever wanted to.
Life is unpredictable and we are swimmers in the ocean of uncertainty. Instead of being stuck in a whirlpool of confusions, speak up today.
I frankly don’t have a clue what I am going to write about but the past few days have been quite strange for me. I mean I am fine and there is not much happening in my life but there is this heaviness I feel whenever I breathe. I feel like my mind is occupied with nothing yet everything. Somewhere I wish I had some sort of consistency in life. It is simply like as soon as I am happy something bad happens. Or you know, even when it doesn’t my mood just drops down and on a serious note I am tired. I don’t know whether this is just a phase or it will last forever.
In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that there is no forever, but there is. Forever has to be an infinite number but at times forever is as small as a kiss, as small as those gusts of wind rippling your hair, as small as the ocean waves hitting the shore. The moments you never wanted to end but it ended nevertheless. I don’t know if this phase is a short forever or a long one. Some days I am all good, doing my bit, happy, joyous and lively. But on the other days, I am on my bed, too numb to even write. These are those moments when I feel the sound of the clock ticking or the switched on lights, even these become too much to take. When I feel helpless and energy-less to even get out of bed is when I sink deeper and deeper. These moments make me question my existence and I fail to understand my own self.
You know that feeling when you get to read your favorite book but it is in some other language which you can’t comprehend and all you want to do is simply tear off the pages. These are my feelings. These emotions are mine and I simply do not know how to understand it all. All that I want is to end all of this. But this is how life is, the unhappiness, the pain, the resentment, the anger is all there! May be I will be better tomorrow, may be not! This is quite sudden and time taking but I hope all goes well in the end. Either there is a hopeless end or an endless hope!
Some things are hard to let go. Somethings have a habit of coming back and one of which is true love. Giving up on your loved one would mean giving up on a part of ourselves.
I have always felt that when it comes to love, you could always make some changes, fill in the cracks, build a new foundation may be to cover up the old, but you cannot simply ignore the fact that the scarring will always be there no matter what. And trust me, true love comes back. May be after quite a long time but it does.
Think of it this way! Remember the best slice of the juiciest and yummiest pizza that you have ever eaten? Were you not disappointed every time you had a bite of an entirely different pizza which doesn’t even match to it? Same is the case with love. Life is full of letdowns. When you start seeing someone new, you would obviously compare him with the “best you ever had.” Understanding how much you love someone may take time. You can spend hours, months and even years together without completely appreciating what that person means to you. And you only get to know the worth of that person when he is gone. When you lose someone whom you once loved, you may realise that life without him simply doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to.
When there is a love so deep that you can’t let it go, the world conspires and brings it back to you. If this person affects your day-to-day decision-making, then with each decision you find yourself one step closer to your true love. In the case of love, you need to have a little bit of faith, and trust me, miracles do happen.
Love is not synonymous with pain and the day you realise this will be the day you accept the person who treats you right! It will be the day you let real love in, one which brings butterflies in your stomach and gives you a heart pump the moment you catch a glimpse of them. It is a love which comes in smiles and laughs and causes an ache in your stomach when you both are together. It is a love which makes you the best version of you, which believes in you when you stop believing in yourself. A love that smiles at you even when life is tough and tells you that “it will all be fine because I have faith in you.”
Love is beautiful when felt for the right person. There is a place in my heart where a part of you will always be a part of me. This is love and when you realise love is not painful, that day you will welcome it in its entirety.
“Are you a freelancer?” this is generally a question I am asked often. “How do you earn? It must be quite easy to work at your comfort.” The proper response is “Yes, I am a part-time freelancer and I earn my living by working hard and staying committed to my deadlines. It is not at all easy and it requires a lot of patience and perseverance. But how many people actually understand this.
Generally people don’t understand how exhausting freelancing jobs can be. It is not like just because we are typing and not involved in any kind of physical work, we don’t get tired. Of course we do and so it is important to exercise and relax often. Freelancing requires multi-tasking and being caught up in so many tasks, one is totally exhausted by the end of the day. In such a situation, doing a bit of Yoga keeps me going.
Whenever you feel like giving up, it simply implies you need to change something in your life. Be it your career, your friends circle or your partner. If you want to let go of something, just let it. Do not doubt your guts. Take the decision simply. At times, we need to keep everything aside and just focus on our own selves. Get out of your comfort zone and it is only then that you gain. Connect to the present and feel proud of your accomplishments!
So, I am back with my introvert struggles series. If you haven’t yet checked out the previous introvert posts, you can simply click here for it.
I have always felt as an introvert it is sometimes very hard for others to understand what I am thinking or feeling. Communicating things verbally always doesn’t come easy for me and to be honest, I am not very good at being vulnerable. It often takes me a very long time to be comfortable around most people. But soon after I let down my walls and start to really care about someone, I am all in.
You must have heard that – “Actions speak louder than words.” It very well serves as a life mantra for me. If you really are curious as to how the introverts in your life feel about you, rest assured as their actions may speak volumes even when their words will not.
To be honest, I have never sat down and thought about the importance of trusting myself. I never knew how important it was to believe in the process of trusting my own self. When it comes to trust, I always put my attention on trusting others, I never thought of any internal process.
But just when I bought this concept internally to my own self, I found the answers to all my questions. The truth was that I had no trust on myself and never really felt that way. I was also not aware of the toll it was taking on my life. I began to note the side effects of not trusting myself – confusion, stress, anxiety and mood swings. These are some factors that need to be lessened in life so I knew I had to work upon trusting myself.
From the outside, I always felt that I never trusted people but the truth was that I didn’t trust myself. I felt I was too genuine to be good enough, too genuine to be loved and I felt I would be okay even if I messed up. I doubted myself, my possibilities, my worth and most importantly my confidence in my own depths. This was the reason I found myself swinging in numbness and pain.
It is true that things go wrong when you trust yourself more but it is also true that things go wrong and stay wrong when you trust yourself less than you should. Trust yourself and listen to your heart. No matter what the case be, remember you always get to choose what you want to do next!
Your life basically is a sum of all the choices that you make. The better your choices, better is the opportunity to live a happy life. You know what is funny is that there was a time when I never believed I had a choice. I would have chosen to please everyone else except my own self because I feared the judgement which I thought would come with the choice that would be right for me.
Choices in reality do not really exist if your main focus is to keep others happy. Though this can be incredibly freeing, it can also be quite scary at the same time. It is important to note that if you want to put everyone else’s wishes above your own, then the choice is easy – do what it takes to make everyone happy! But doing this is not that easy. You need to decide whose feelings matter more? Is it yours or others?
If you’ve ever been caught in one of these situations, you know it’s a lose-lose situation plus it is quite exhausting and you begin questioning yourself if this people pleasing mission is really worth it? It is all basically not worth the headache that starts to build and it is better to make choices that are right for you in the long run.
I’ve on and oft quoted that “other people’s opinions of us are none of our business”. At times it is easier to believe that there is no choice because then we can stop any kind of disappointment which may arise from living upto others expectations and sacrificing our own happiness. If your own happiness isn’t a priority, then having a choice is indeed a blessing. If you do not want to believe that putting the happiness of others may ultimately result in sacrificing your own, then it is definitely viewed as a curse. The good news? It is your choice!
We humans love happy endings. But does every story ends in a happily ever after? I guess no. Some stories start to end, some to teach us a life lesson and some to make us a better person. There are happy stories as well which give us hope and sad ones are those that show us the true mirror of life.
I always trusted happy endings. Since my childhood I loved the stories of Cinderella and Snow White where happy endings existed throughout. Life was never a fairy tale for me but it wasn’t a bed of thorns as well. What I fail to understand is that is it the fact that happiness is only meaningful when it is found at last and less significant when it is found earlier in life and is followed by unhappiness? Loving a happy ending is just a human abstraction where a happy ending is similar to death ending our life; a full-stop. But in life, happy and sad moments do not leave us. Life is unfair yet we crave for happy endings.
Things happen, sometimes good sometimes bad, but it is important to move on. It is important to be the person you are, not what your problems force you to be. In life not all stories have happy endings, some stay incomplete and some without an ending altogether. All you need to do is keep your head held high whatever be the situation.
Here are a few noteworthy dialogues from the Bollywood movie Kalank. The movie was not a great one though, but the dialogues are worth sharing which would for sure stay with you.
“When someone’s destruction seems like our victory then there is no one in the world who is as devastated as us.”
“The colour of love and hatred both are red but the difference is that in hatred the world gets destroyed and in love you have to destroy yourself. Still love is the one that gets defamed.”
“Some relationships are like debts. You don’t have to fulfill them, instead you have to repay them.”
“You’ll find thousands of reasons in the market of fear for not falling in love, but you have to search for only one reason in your own heart to fall in love.”
“Hope only makes you wait. It doesn’t change the reality.”
Quite funny indeed. We know not what destiny wants from us. When we meet someone it is tough to figure out whether it is destiny, coincidence or pure luck. Same is the case when we lose someone, no matter be it a broken relationship or the loss of a person due to unexpected death, the hardest part to deal with and experience is the vacuum of loss that is felt in the heart.
It feels as if all of a sudden a very important and significant part of our life, which is the most essential for us is taken away. There can be no immediate replacement. What is left behind is a big void. An empty space, a black hole which we simply cannot have any idea of. We start feeling hollow, it is a feeling like suddenly our hearts have been taken away from us. And trust me, this feeling is deadly.
What destiny wants is a question no one has an answer to, but I wish there was an answer to this. Some times you love a person with all your heart and do all the possible things you can to keep him in your life but destiny has other plans for you. You have to leave them because they are not destined to be in your life. And leaving is not easy, especially when you love someone. It’s not tough to leave people behind, it ‘s their memories that haunt.
It’s true when said – ” Tumse milna ittefaq tha, bichadna naseeb.” In English – “Meeting you was a mere coincidence, parting ways was destiny.” But I guess you keep learning when life unfolds itself and evolve during the process.
What destiny wants cannot be known before hand. This reminds me of a famous English couplet that says, “It’s fate that flings the dice and when it flings/ Of kings makes peasants and of peasants makes kings.” True indeed!
Loving yourself can be an incredibly difficult thing to do at times, you need to undo self hate and take hold of the concept of self love. Self love, I feel is a very abstract concept. It is not a single go-to destination. You may feel you are right there but then all of a sudden something happens and you begin to hate yourself. It happens and it is quite Normal. You can actually have bad days when you don’t love yourself and feel quite sad and hopeless.
You may constantly push yourself for self love but the thing is that there is no absolute solution for it. If you begin to love yourself, it is not like you will begin loving others as well. Loving your own self won’t make you love other people. On an ending note, all I want to highlight is that I love people who struggle everyday with self hate. You truly deserve all the love from others and you should be aware that you know who to love others beautifully despite not loving your own selves.
I do not hate the concept of self love, but what I dislike is the ambiguity of it which is used to make generalized statements to make people who struggle with loving themselves feel bad. We have a complicated relation with love and ourselves. Saying “no one can love you if you cannot love yourself is short-sighted and makes people feel inadequate.”
Human relations are not so black and white. I was loved when I was at my worst by people who I don’t believe I deserve but they loved me anyway. I have loved people when I hated myself badly, those people who think they do not deserve my love but I loved them anyway. In this big world nothing is so cut and dry as human relations.
Recently I watched this movie Before We Go and I loved it indeed. Outstanding performance of Alice Eve and Chris Evans witnessing a number of adventures together. Not only did they came close in the process but also got to know a number of things about themselves which helped them make some life changing decisions.
Here are a few power-packed lines from the movie which I genuinely loved-
Nick – “God. Why is it that any one decision always seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life.”
Brooke – “I don’t know but sometimes you have to just make the choice and jump.”
“This is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.”
Brooke – “It’s possible, isn’t it? It’s possible that you could meet somebody who’s perfect for you even though you’re committed to somebody else.”
Nick – “No, no, see, I think if you’re committed to somebody, you don’t allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.”
Nick – “And at the end of the night, you’re gonna want to say some things, but don’t. Don’t ruin it. It’s nothing she doesn’t already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh… thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life.”
Have you ever observed a river closely? The river flows quite strongly and at that time you cannot see the riverbed clearly. In such a situation if there was some way you could stop the flow in both the directions, ie from where the water is coming and to where the water is flowing, then may be you could keep the water still. This would help you see the base of the river quite clearly.
Similar is the case with our minds. All you need to do is stop your mind from chasing sensory objects as well as thinking of the past and future and that is specifically the time when you can completely free your mind from being totally ‘blanked out’. It is this time that you will have a clear view underneath this turbulence of the thought processes. There is an underlying stillness as well as an underlying clarity of the mind. It is essential that you observe or experience something like this.
Today I will be sharing this little piece that I had seen somewhere in a video. So there was this Aghori Baba on the ghats of the Ganges in Benaras who was in deep meditation. A random person asked him how long have you been meditating, to which he replied that had been meditating for 38 years but he had been a Baba for 50 years.
The person told him that he too wanted to learn how to meditate. The Baba asked him what was his favorite food, to which he replied that it was chocolate. The Baba then asked if he had ever tried to give it up and he agreed but added that he couldn’t last more than 10 days. What Aghori Baba then said was something worth noting. He said that – If you can’t control something what you can see, then how can you control something that you can’t see.
Sometimes you need to give something up as it is good for the body and at times you have to give something up as it is good for the mind. Give up something and each day you stay away from it, is a reminder as to how mentally strong you are.
It is quite strange how one day some one just stops loving you all of a sudden. They decide never to be in touch with you and never coming back to you. All of a sudden all you have is despair and a cloud of sadness enveloping you. This hits straight like a sting and fucks up your entire being. Your soul is filled with remorse as you know you couldn’t keep them with you.
When you feel some one no longer loves you , you live in denial. You lie to yourself that may be they will be back with you and their memories haunt you and make you sick. May be you never thought you would witness a day where every beat of your heat would make you aware of your loneliness. But you have to let them go. No matter how bad you want to be with them. Life will go on and I hope you never blame yourself for it. When someone stops loving you, they lose a person who would give them every ounce of their existence and you lose someone who may be never deserved you in the first place. It surely aches but one day you will feel better.
There was a plant I really wanted to buy from the market. It was a small and delicate one and had a unique charm. I had made up my mind to buy that house plant, a one which was quite low maintenance if you ask me. It did not need watering every day and it was quite an achievement to nurture it. But gradually, I lost interest in it. It did not receive much attention from my side and one day noticed a withered pot. The plant though had grown taller but had shrivelled up and was beyond repair. Yet, I kept on watering it in the hope that it would revive again but it did not.
This is just like a metaphor for relationships. Similar to the plant, you feel you like someone and bring them into your life. You make a special space for them, do what is required for them, enjoy the time spent, become too comfortable and gradually you tend to stop valuing the things you once fought for.
When you water the dead plants, it is simply the denial phase where you hesitate to accept the absence of something and do not pay any heed to your own faults. Just as watering dead plants is a waste in a similar way watering dead relationships is also futile. Needless to say, it is hard to let go of something that has been close to you for quite a long time but it is important to acknowledge the fact that there is a difference between loving someone and having loved someone once. Sooner or later you have to realise your own feelings and take charge for it. If you feel you are watering a dead plant and the spark is dwindling, it will only add to your own irritation and annoyance. This is the time when you should finally consider moving on.
Is it true that time is the best healer? If it is so, how long does it take to heal our wounds; two months, one year, two years, five years? Is time alone enough for our grief to subside? I don’t think so and here is the reason why.
When I lost my mother, it was difficult to keep myself “under control,” and so I kept myself frantically busy. I would devote all my time to work and exhaust myself until late at night and spend hours doing whatever I could to distract myself from acknowledging what I already knew in order to run away from my grief. But I could never understand that one of the biggest myths about pain and grief is that Time is the best healer which is never true. Time does not heal anything, the pain remains there always, you eventually somehow get used to it and start living with the pain.
Personally, I don’t think time heals at all. Time may make things seem less important than they once were. With enough time, we experience more and more of life’s ups and downs, and that serves to give us more perspective. I think it would be better to say that Time makes us numb, or that Time lets us forget.
The pain is always there, buried deep inside which undergoes a metamorphosis into bitterness or stays just like some hardness and makes us a little more cynical.